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The pie graph illustrates the principal causes why farmland loses its productivity by various causes and the table presents the proportions of land in three different areas such as North America, Europe, and Oceania degraded by these reasons>>?? over the 1990s. At first glance, it is clear that over-grazing is the primary reason of land degradation and Oceania continent was mostly affected mostly by this reason phenomenon. Over-grazing This major contributor is responsible for 35% of the degradation, while 30% of farmland becomes less productive due to over-cultivation. Regarding the table, in the 1990s, nearly one-tenth of the land in Oceania was degraded, among which almost 11% was caused by over-grazing. Conversely, just 5% of land in North America was destroyed by degradation land on the downgrade, mainly as a result of over-cultivation (accounting for 3.3%). On the other hand, although deforestation is only occupied 28% of total causes, it had the biggest contribution with 9.8% in Europe, where more or less a quarter of land was degraded during the period. Overall, even though over-grazing, over-cultivation, >> 세개 항목 이상일 땐 마지막 and/or에서 콤마 넣어주세요 and deforestation all contribute to land degradation, the effects of these factors varied considerably in the three regions.
CAM 8 에 나온 문제라던데....이렇게 어려운 주제여서 단순한 소비 그래프 같은것만큼 동의어 사용을 많이 못하고 같은 단어를 반복하게 되면 점수가 많이 낮게 나올까요?ㅠㅠㅠ 실제 시험에서도 이렇게 나온다면 .... ㅇ>-< --------------------------------- 단어가 반복되면 어느정도 한계가 있습니다 말하자면 점수는 평소처럼 혹은 조금 덜 나오되 높아지진 않는다고 말씀 드리겠구요 먼저 코멘트를 보고 첨삭해서 최대한 말을 바꾸려고 애썼네요 가끔 fertile 같은 형용사도 써주면서 작성하는 것도 좋겠습니다 우선 글의 흐름이나 어떤 필요한 정보를 골라내는 데에 있어선 아주 잘하고 있습니다만 어휘나 문법 다양성 부분에서 조금은 아쉬웠던 글이 아닐까 싶습니다
Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6 6.0 예상합니다
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