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Over recent decades, many international institutions have organised for the objective of helping low income nations. There are philosophical questions about this effective on recipient countries. In This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of international aids before stating my opinion. <(주제에 대한 글쓴이의 의견 보다는 그저 주제에 대한 장/단점만 서술해주시면 됩니다. 그 장/단점이 글쓴이의 의견이 되는 것입니다) There are several advantages for the developing nations that receive aid could impact from the international supports. Other developed countries can solve the immediate problems of third nations by supporting necessary items such as food and medicines. The outstanding support on low economic status of countries can decrease the level of death from malnutrition. <Need better coherence/cohesion> The supports to third world countries could be used to develop the overall economic status by increasing the agricultural and industrial knowledge. From this knowledge, the developing countries can be able to surpass the poverty and hunger. On the other hand, despite of the positive things of international supports, there are controversial <(controversial what?) of international funds. There is high probability of the developing countries to rely on international support than actual self-development. This could cause the advanced countries to provide endless funding to developing countries. Furthermore, the supported funds are not strictly monitored. As a result, because those funds are used for corruption in local communities, this prevents third countries to develop for the development. In conclusion, international aids can cause advantages and disadvantages for developed countries. In my opinion, the advanced countries should continue with their aids to poor nations. However, it is essential to monitor that the funds are is properly controlled, so that the money can be used to develop the third country's agricultural and industrial knowledge.
Score: 7 Comment: 잘 서술해주셨습니다. 다만 질문이 장/단점만 물어보고 있고 aid를 줘야하는지 말아야하는지에 대한 글쓴이의 의견이나 이 장/단점에 대한 글쓴이의 의견을 묻고 있지는 않습니다. Conclusion에 는 장/단점이 둘다 있는데 그래도 aid를 줘야한다, 그렇지만 control 를 잘 해야한다고 전달을 해주셔도 됩니다. 다만 Introduction에는 글쓴이의 의견을 서술해주시겠다는 내용을 빼주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법상 크게 문제가 되는 곳은 없어 보이십니다. 다만 silly/small mistakes가 일부 있습니다. 주의 해주시기를 바랍니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |