▶ Your Answer :
The discovery of nuclear substances has
brought several advantages to society. It has provided reliability and
environmental aspects of benefits, while it holds the risks and inflexibility.
Due to the possible threats, of nuclear technology should be dealt with more caution cautious than
that of its benefits.<(unclear/doesn't really make sense) Therefore, nuclear technology should be used with a
caution.<(repetitive/ 질문에 대한 글쓴이의 답이 clear하게 들리지는 않습니다)
Nuclear power has a great reliability in
terms of providing a long lasting energy source. According to a the science
journal, the nuclear energy can be used for over 540 years without interruptions.
Also, it is does not affected by weather, so it can run at a cheaper cost, because
it does not require any additional materials in the case of any unexpected
weather. In other words, the nuclear
energy would not require any extra materials to survive to maintenance from rains and
storms, so the installation and the usage of such substances are easier.
Furthermore, while people are using such energy, it does not release any
emissions, thus, it does not contribute to any environmental damage. Nuclear energies
have not contributed to acid rains or global warming. Therefore, nuclear
energies are the cleanest and easiest forms of natural energies.
Despite all these benefits of nuclear
power, it cannot be denied that the nuclear is the one of the most dangerous
weapons. There are huge probabilities of possibility of nuclear accidents. In
any cases of either man-fault man made or by natural disaster, it can release the
content <(what content?) to the environment and the consequences would be disastrous. Fukushima
cases can be considered as an example. This massive phenomenon occurred due to
the earthquake, but the result of such incident is still affecting the
environment. In addition to this, the way of wasting the left over nuclear
energy can be a the problem. Even though nuclear power does not release any
emissions, it has the leftover wastes that needs to be taken care of . It does not mean that it does not have
any wastes. like all energy sources, it also has to take care of wastes. The
wrong way to the waste <(??) can damage the environment or it can fall onto the hands
of terrorists <(so what?). Therefore, the consequence is phenomenal.
In conclusion, the cheapest and easiest way
of using the nuclear energy seems to make it be the most efficient energy sources.
However, it cannot avoid its terrifying results cannot be avoided. Therefore, the nuclear energy
should be used with a caution.
Score: 6 Comment: 전체적으로 글 정리와 내용 정리가 필요합니다. 일단 글쓴이의 주장이 clear하지는 않습니다. Nuclear energy should be used with caution은 글쓴이가 nuclear technology의 장점이 단점 보다 더 많다고 생각하시지 않는지 아니면 더 significant하다고 생각하시는지 않는지를 clearly state 하지는 않습니다. 어느정도 단점이 더 significant하다거나 내용을 읽으면 단점이 더 많다는게 clear하지만 이 문장에서 clear하지 않기 때문에 오히려 "Therefore, because nuclear technology has to be used with caution, it has more drawbacks than benefits/benefits does not outweigh the disadvantages" 라고 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 내용상 전체적으로 summarize를 해주시고 coherence에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 specificity에도 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법상 어순/문장구조/collocation/알맞는 표현/spelling/word form/article use/수동태-능동태 활용/에 주로 틀리시고 계십니다. 문법에 조금 더 연습을 해주시고 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 조금 더 다양한 표현을 써주시면 좋을 것 가습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |