▶ Your Answer :
There is no doubt that an enormous number of
music people are hearing music all over the world for curing their people's mind and helping
employees who suffer from workplace. With regard to regards this issue some people may
insist that international music is more crucial for people than traditional
music as people can encounter international music more easily rather than
traditional music. However, Ii believe that traditional music is significant inheritance
from previous generation. instead of international music
It is true that music is already soaked
into people's mind as an indispensable basis item for living in daily life
because people can be relieved from their stress and social jet lag by
listening to the music. In addition, the music enables people to develop their
confidence and have a time to sufficient relax during they are listening the music,
when they are depressed depress or fall down from for some reasons. exams. Moreover, as for children, music
also tend to be used for educational materials at some difficult subjects such
as English and mathematics, by making a song with those subjects to understand
more easily and feel friendly. international music / traditional music을 비교하는 문제이므로 '음악의 역할'에 대해서 설명하는 것은 off-topic이 됩니다.
On the other hand, the Ttraditional music is
more valuable rather than international music because traditional music bears
numerous meaning of events and a great mans of history. Furthermore, several
kinds of traditional music can be a representative of that countries. For
instance, Arirang is one of the most popular traditional music for representing the
symbol of Korea. , thus, Thus when if some big events are held such as Olympic, Korea players always sing a Arirang when they get a medal.
To conclude, it is clear that the music is an essential factor for people who are living in society, and the traditional
music is also considerably far worthier more worthy than international music for inheriting
next generation because it is as an cultural inheritance of a country. a typical music of that country.
IELTS 1-9 score scale score: 4.5 limited user
음악이 왜 중요한지 물은 게 아니라 전세계적으로 향유되는 음악과 전통음악 중 어떤 게 더 중요하다고 생각하는지 물었기 때문에 음악이 언제 활용되는지 설명하는 건 무의미해요. traditional music을 더 중요하다고 보는 이유를 더 정리해보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 같은 단어 사용이 반복되는 것은 지양하고, 알맞은 문법사용도 신경써주세요~ 수고하셨습니다~! 아이엘츠 라이팅 채점기준 참고하세요 - TA/TR(Task Achievement/Task Response) 문제에 정확히 답변, 적정 분량 - CC(Coherence and Cohesion) 일관성, 응집성 - LR(Lexical Resource) 다양한 어휘표현 - GR(Grammartical Range and Accuracy) 문법 다양성, 정확성 |