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The two pie charts illustrate the changes in online sales from four different retail sectors ( Electronics and Appliance, Food and Beverage, Home Furnishings and Video Games) in Canada in the years 2005 and 2010.
Overall, it is clear that the percentage of online purchases in each sector changed significantly (그나마 많이 양보해서 10 percentage point 의 증가 혹은 감소를 보이는 항목은 significant 라고 붙여도 되겠지만, 5 percentage point 증감이 있는 항목은 이를 쓰기에는 너무 무리입니다.) over the 5-year period. Electronics and Appliance made up the largest category in 2005. However, they were overtaken by Food and Beverage, comprising the highest share in 2010.
The proportion of online transactions in Electronics and Appliance comprised of 35% in 2005 and this, then, fell to 30% in 1990. (여기의 경우 쉼표를 연속적으로 두 번이나 쓸 필요는 절대 없습니다. 문장을 다시 한번 만들어보세요~) Meanwhile, in 2005, there was a 10% (percentage point 활용이 필요합니다.) rise in online shopping from Food and Beverage to 32%, five years later.
The transactions in Home Furnishings, which was the third largest sector in 2005, decreased from 25% to 15% in 2010. In contrast, during the same five-year period, there was a 5% growth (여기 역시 마찬가지이고요.) in the number of people who chose to pay for Video Games. In this sector, it shows that online deals went from 18% to 23%.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 밑줄 친 부분 수정했습니다. 1.significantly → slightly 2. and this, then, fell to 30% in 1990. → and then this fell to 30% in 1990. ( and then 하고 콤마 붙여야 하나요?) 3. ~만큼 올랐다 할 때 표현은 'there was a 10% rise...' 가 아니라 'there was a 10 percentage point rise..' 이렇게 써야 한다는 말씀 맞나요? 이때 앞에 a 는 써주는거 맞는지 확인 부탁드립니다. 감사합니다*^^*
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