In the past, most people used to travel to their place of work.
With increased use of computers, the internet and smartphones, more and more people are starting to work from home.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?
In recent years, with the help of cutting edge technology, the number of employees who perform their tasks at home is increasing, while they had to go to their companies to work in the past. (여기는 쉼표 전후를 바꿔주시는 게 좋습니다. 강조를 뒷쪽으로 넣는 것이죠. 단, 단순히 위치만 바꾸는 게 아니라 그 과정에서 문장도 다듬어야 하고요. 거절당왕님 실력이면 충분히 스스로 바꾸실 수 있으므로 따로 수정해드리지는 않겠지만, 혹시 필요하시면 댓글 주세요!) In this essay, I will discuss the merits and demerits of this progress.
When it comes to benefits of working at home, it could lead to not only the reduction of cost of living and waste of time but also the freedom of residence. Since people who work from home do not have to commute, they can save transportation fee as well as time to go to their companies and back to their homes. In addition, workers at home would have the opportunities to live wherever they desire to, while workers had to move to the limited areas close to their companies located in the past. (여기도 마찬가지로 순서를 바꿔주세요!) Thus, the new labor environment would significantly improve the quality of people's life in terms of their freedom in various ways.
However, there are serious drawbacks of working from home. Firstly, workers using the online based devices might be involved in their works regardless of location and time. Since they can be always connected their tasks through the Internet, they may be forced to deal with them even after the regular working hours or during the vacation. Secondly, it would have a negative effect on a sense of belonging in the companies. As they may less communicate with other coworkers only in person, it would be difficult for them to maintain good relationships with each other. It may have a substantially negative influence on working performance of employees.
In conclusion, while the socio-economic trend of working not in the workplaces but at home would make people be free from time and place, it would be negative for work and life balance as well as the teamwork among workers.
총평: (7/6/7/7) 7.0
잘 써주셨고, 위에 표시해드렸듯이 강조 대상의 순서 배열만 조금 신경써주시면 되겠습니다. 악센트를 어디에 넣냐의 문제인데, 생각보다 중요합니다. 링크도 하나 넣어드릴테니 참고해보시고요~수고하셨습니다 :)
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