▶ Your Answer :
Some people deem that there is an optimistic
future would be possible with enormous kinds of comfortable gadgets and
spectacular technologies. I agree with this opinion to some extent >> 약간 말이 이상합니다 어느정도까지 동의하냐는 글인데 어느정도 동의한다 이런 문맥은 어색합니다.
Considering the fact that the advancement
of medical technology contributes to longevity of mankind, an outstanding
result can be speculated. For example, serious illnesses, such as cancers and
AIDS, were incurable diseases in the 20th century. However, >> 완전한 절이 따로 독립되지 않거나 혹은 접속사 없이는 연결이 불가능합니다 they are curable with the
great effort of medical scientists. In this sense, it will not be able to long >> long이 동사로 쓰일 경우는 간절히 바라다 열망하다 정도의 뜻이 있습니다 여기선 좀 어색한 듯 싶습니다
before a human being is able to conquer the diseases. In addition, the progress of research
in a stem cell, which is called regenerative medicine, will facilitate organ
transplant freely. Hence, humans will be happier by overcoming the fear of the death.>> 비교급이 나오면 보통 than으로 나와주는게 기본이긴 합니다
People's quality of life will also increase
in the future. Because >> because 를 바로 쓰진 않고 it is because 이런 식으로 써줍니다 a chance of equal education in terms of welfare system as
well as development of the e-learning system >> e-learning 이 뭔가요? 모르는 독자를 위해 간단한 설명을 해주셔야 합니다, people can easily access easily to the
Internet and gain knowledge comfortably and this in turn decreases illiterate
of the human society people. Furthermore, increasing productivity in a food industry
will help people who are below the poverty line. Therefore, illiteracy and
poverty will be wiped out.
However, a noticeable concern can be
anticipated. Even though the evolution of industrialization has undoubtedly
improved human's output, the cost of the deteriorated natural environment is
countless. For instance, shortage of natural resources such as water, oil, and
coals is consuming >> shortage가 consume하지 않습니다 at an alarming rate. Consequently, disintegrating the nature
cannot be neglected.
To recapitulate, the future of
mankind is optimistic due to the medical science, the Internet, and improved
productivity. However, environmental problems are still remained still remain >> remain은 자동사라 수동태가 될 수 없습니다 owing to depletion
of priceless resources.
전체적인 글 흐름이 좋고 내용도 꽤 수준이 있었습니다 잘 쓰셨고 주어와 동사의 관계 정도와 관사 형용사 등 봐주시면 좋겠습니다 Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 7 Lexical Resource - 7 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6 7.0 예상합니다 |