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There was a big deminstrarion by most of university students led about 2 years ago in Korea. They wanted to make tuition fee a half. >> because는 단독으로 문두에 쓰지 않고 it is because 등으로 씁니다 Because the fee is very expensive. >> 접속사가 없이 새로운 문장이 바로 붙는 것은 가능하지 않습니다 또한 접속사가 있더라도 긴 문장이라 제가 잘라드렸을겁니다 most of >> of 를 붙이면 한정시키는 용법입니다 most of students in the class room 식으로 교실 안의 학생들에 한해서 말하는 내용같은 맥락입니다 students, who are studying in the university, >> 중간에 수식이 들어가면 앞 뒤 콤마 해주세요 assembled for the demonstration many times. But>> but and also so or 는 문두에 쓰지 않습니다 However, 를 써주세요 it didn't >> did not이라고 풀어서 써주세요 go well. Anyway, because of the fee, all students have trouble paying. To solve this problem, should the government support them for their university education? >> 문맥 상 어울리지 않는 흐름의 질문 형식의 글입니다 There are 2>> 10 이하의 숫자는 영어로 써주세요 opinions about the agreement and the disagreement. The first opinion is that the government doesn't>> 역시 축약형은 쓰지 않아 does not 이라고 해주세요 have to support>> support who?. There is a necessary educational course to be applied by every korean student. Because of it, every student has to study in high school for free. But it doesn't >> 위에서 말씀 드렸습니다 include university education. It is the mainpoint of first opinion. Also, it is possible to get >> get 동사는 뜻이 많아 좋지 않습니다 gain have 등으로 써주세요 a job for people graduating only high school. Someone, who needs to study deeply, has no matter how someone wants to enter into the university. The other opinion Another view is that the government has to support>> what? who? until education in the graduation of university. Most occupations in the world need more advanced education that is higher than high school. Despite it, it is hard to graduate from the university. Tuition fee is very expensive for students>> 반복입니다. And many students have a debt because they borrow tuition fee lending service. If they used this service, they can pay back the debt about 30 years old without any help. These are two opinions. In my opinion, the first opinion is a little better than the second. There is a national scholarship program. It supports some students who gets are below the level of the average income. low level in the percent of income. The students, whose family circumstance is not good, can study in the university for free. moreover는 문장을 이어주는 기능이 없기에 끊어주세요 . Moreover, given like >> such as 가 더 좋습니다 pocket money from nation.>> 무슨 말인지 잘 모르겠습니다 Finally, as the system used now, the government pays until high school education. >> 모르겠네요 결론이 이렇단건 현재 정부가 시행하는 것을 의견으로 쓰셨단 말로 반증이 됩니다
아직은 라이팅보단 그래머 연습을 하시는게 우선이라고 생각됩니다 지적을 부탁드린다고 하기에 섬세하게 봐드렸습니다만 죄송하게도 제가 라이팅을 하면서 하는 지적의 90% 이상이 이 글 하나에 들어가 있는 듯 싶습니다 글 자체가 아닌 작문을 하시는 연습이 우선이고 논리에 맞춰 글을 그래머 오류가 적게 생산해내는 정도는 아직 이르신 듯 싶습니다 그래머 한 달 혹은 두 달 혹은 2주 정도 앞에 글 쓰신 분들 어떤 부분에서 오류가 났는지 보시면 좋겠습니다
Task Achievement - 5 Coherence and Cohesion - 4 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 4 4.5 예상합니다 |