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The crime has been occurring throughout the world due to increasing greed of people for scarce resources. To tackle to increasing the increase of the criminal rate, some people argue that there should be concrete law for dealing with each different crimes, while others object that the personal situations should be observed before convicting offenders.
To begin with, the government should elucidate the proper punishments for being suitable with for various crimes. The precise punishment penalty can make people have a wary feeling. For example, without any relevant rules, people might not hesitate to commit a crime. It is because there is no proper means to suppress their criminal behavior acts. As the government legislates a specific guideline for crime, its occurring rate could decrease. People may behave meticulously prudently all the time by the specific rules.
In the contrast, some people argue that the judge in a local court needs to ponder the criminals` circumstances. It is plausible that offenders do not intend to commit a crime. Sometimes, >>문두 부사 뒤에 콤마입니다 we people could face to unavoidable situations, which we they should counter to violate local law. For example, In the LA a riot which is was triggered by black people in 1980s in LA. Some Korean citizens fired shot to shot their guns, killed robbers, and wounded the blacks to protect their families and asset, killing a robber and wounding them. The US court, however, relieved the punishment to the Korean shooters who murdered in that incident. That is because,>> 콤마 빼주세요 the judge admitted that they were in the unavoidable situation to protect their precious things.
In my opinion, I believe that people need to ponder the individual situations before conviction to criminals,>> 콤마 빼주세요 because they might have some difficult inescapable situations, which cannot escape >>??. >> 한 문장만 문단을 주는 경우는 없습니다 본인의 의견은 본문들에 들어가고 마지막 결론에서 이러이러하다 정도로만 정리해주시면 될 듯 싶습니다
In conclusion, setting a precise punishment would relieve the increasing criminal rate,>> 콤마 빼주세요 because people would always concern about the strict and fixed rule. Furthermore >> furthermore는 추가적인 주장을 나타내는 글이고 본문에서 처음에 '게다가' 란 의견을 나타낼 때 쓰입니다 Therefore, people should ponder the different situations of individual every person before judging them.
위에 지적사항들 말씀 드렸습니다 Opinion이 너무 쓸쓸하게 달랑 나와있네요 좋지 않습니다
수일치나 관사 부분들 주의해주세요 쉬운 부분에서도 많이 틀렸습니다 단어도 which cannot escape (말은 안 되지만 피할 수 없는이란 뜻으로 썼다고 생각합니다) 이 inescapable로 한 단어로 바꿀 수도 있으니 어휘력 늘려주시구요
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
6.0 예상합니다 |