▶ Your Answer :
Most people in the world believe that some people are born with special abilities in some fields such as sport or music, but some insist that any child can be taught to become a good athlete or musician. <(글쓴이의 의견도 introduction에서 clear하면 더 좋을 것 같습니다) First of all, some children are naturally born with advantages of physical or genetic features such as thick and big bones or long fingers than others. These make them easier to accustom with playing soccer or playing instruments. This is because those that physical features put them at an take advantages to them than compared to other children. For example, some marathoners or runners from Congo Republic Nation can run faster and longer than others, thanks to their physical abilities such big lungs and strong muscles. It is apparent that gifted people person are naturally born with certain talents in sport fields. However, there is another opinion that education makes people become a good musician or sports man. This is because that children can learn how to play instruments and sports how they play a game with other people throughout the education. It is not important whether children were gifted or not, it is a problem of good environment and financial support. If gifted child cannot even learn the rule of a game or how to play the piano, its ability is useless and not even found. Any child can be taught well, it gives them an opportunity to become a great person in some special fields. To conclude, I believe that people have person has their own characteristic talents or abilities since when they were born. But I also argue that their talents are not flourished without an opportunity of education.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 잘 서술해주셨습니다. 전체적으로 글 정리를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 표현이나 spelling에 주의를 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법상 plurality/sentence verb agreement에 자주 틀리시고 계십니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |