▶ Your Answer :
There is a widespread belief that studying a foreign language should be <(should be what?) early at primary school, as the modern society has become increasingly globalised. In this essay, my stance regarding pros outweighing cons of this phenomenon will be posed with some applicable supports.
To begin with, proponents of children's early learning about a foreign language would base grounding on several facts. As the first, as the contemporary world is becoming broad and globalised, it is a necessity to acquire foreign languages. From the societal perspective, children need to speak or read another language to properly adapt to their future society. In other words, in the coming future, if they want to work in a big company, many documents written in another language will be given to them. Secondly, the younger students are, as young as possible, children they are open-minded to learn something. For this reason, (the) primary school is more suitable to study other languages. To be specific, children can learn a foreign language like their mother tongue with some plays such as songs, chants, and role games, when they are enough empty over knowledge <(??) to take something. <(proponents라고 해주시면 글쓴이의 의견/주장이 아닌 다름 사람의 주장/의견 처럼 들리게 됩니다)
Be that as it may, there are others who contend that it is not unworthwhile to learn a foreign language at a the young age. The main reason is that children should pay attention to study something else, not a foreign language. Regardless of that, there are a number of subjects, which are mathematics, science, and even own country language, to study at that time. In terms of their own language, schools have a responsibility to teach children about their language first, based on their history and culture. In addition, the majority of children will not use foreign languages in global companies. The simple foreign words which are used in daily situation can be taught in the secondary school which is not late. <(이 내용도 다른 사람의 의견 처럼 들립니다)
To recapitulate, taking into account both sets of argument, I am of the belief that there are many benefits to learn foreign languages earlier in the global world, outweighing demerits, but it should be additional studies, not a main one like own words. <(??)
Score: 6 Comment: 내용은 좋은데 글쓴이의 의견 처럼 들리지 않습니다. 그렇기 때문에 글쓴이의 주장도 body안에서는 clear하지 않고 조금 헷갈립니다. Discussion이 아니라 글쓴이의 의견을 묻는 질문이기 때문에 글쓴이의 주장을 기반으로 body를 서술해주셔샤아합니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 코멘트나 수정을 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |