▶ Your Answer :
Since the economic and social development, the consumerism has gained its purchasing power. As a result, the massive goods can be available at a relatively cheaper price. The cheaper price would be able to bring some benefits beneficial for consumers and businesses. Consumers can be happier by acquiring more goods at a cheaper price, whereas as well as the companies could be able to produce the goods at a cheaper price. However, because the reduction in a quality and the environmental damages are inevitable for lowering prices, the destruction on the Earth and the quality must be controlled.
Consumers could have the most advantages for goods are sold at cheaper prices, because this means consumers can acquire more various products by spending a less money. With the goods being cheaper, consumers are no longer required to make a choice over items. They do not have to compare the price over quality per products, because they can acquire more goods.
Having a cheaper price would be also beneficial for a company because they can simply achieve the economic profit by having the low production costs. Since they can target broad market with the cheaper price, they already can hold the competitive edges compared to others, so that they can sell more goods. Thus, the cheaper price can be considered as the company's earning strategies. 기업이 싼 값에 물건을 팔면 많이 파니까 좋다는 논리는 '사회 전반적으로 소비재가 저렴해지는 경향'과는 거리가 있어 보입니다. In contrast, the cheaper prices can have several disadvantages related to environmental damages. Since the massive goods are available in the at a market, consumers may purchase goods impulsively, which could cause massive wastes on to the Earth. If people are continuously purchasing goods and business are continuously continously producing goods, the world will become becomes growing into the waste land. Therefore, the waste land could be the result for the excessive productions. Furthermore, in order to purchase goods at a cheaper price, companies may have to use a cheap materials to reduce their quality. This cheap materials could be dangerous and harmful to humans, because usually the cheap substances did not get the quality control tests. If they have to take the control tests, it would increase the final prices and they cannot keep their price low. In the case of IKEA closet, for the relatively cheap prices, the safety issue has raised. Therefore, the quality compared to the price is not worth it. In conclusion, massive amount of goods at a cheaper price can provide a variety of shopping options for customers and the company can make a huge profit by targeting a broad market. Nevertheless, the environmental damage and quality for products should be taken consideration. Therefore, the cheaper goods are not worth buying. 싼 물건을 사는 게 좋으냐/아니냐를 묻는 문제가 아니니까 논점을 벗어납니다
IELTS 1-9 score scale score: 5 modest user
싼 값의 물건을 사고/팔면 좋은 점을 묻는 게 아니라 전반적으로 사회에서 소비재가 저렴해지는 경향의 장단점을 논하라고 했기 때문에 싸게 팔면 좋다, 싸게 사면 좋다하는 식의 내용으로 글을 이끌어가는 것은 TA/TR 측면에서 감점요인이 될 수 있겠습니다. 그리고 내용이 너무 많은 것도 감점요인이 된다고 하니, 말씀하신 것처럼 내용을 좀 정리해서 장점/단점으로 문단을 두 개로 만드는 게 더 나을 것 같습니다. 각 본론마다 비슷하게 반복되는 내용들이 보이는데 이것들도 정리하면 좋을 것 같습니다. 보통 서론 문단이 본론 문단보다 많으면 글의 균형이 맞지 않는다고 보니까 본론 분량을 적절하게 만들어주는 게 좋아요. 이런 요소들 정리하면서 연습하시면 훨씬 잘 쓰실 것 같아요! 수고하셨습니다~!
아이엘츠 라이팅 채점기준 참고하세요 - TA/TR(Task Achievement/Task Response) 문제에 정확히 답변, 적정 분량 - CC(Coherence and Cohesion) 일관성, 응집성 - LR(Lexical Resource) 다양한 어휘표현
- GR(Grammartical Range and Accuracy) 문법 다양성, 정확성 |