▶ Your Answer :
The given diagram illustrates how the sun energy
was trapped isolated into greenhouse gases.
In brief, there are involved with three main
reasons involved to foam <(does not make sense/what do you mean by to foam gas?)greenhouse gases and several ways to keep remain the sun energy in
greenhouse gases or radiate straight up to space.
In more detail, the greenhouse gases were was made
by several human activities. At first, Carbon dioxide is released from burning fossil fuels
at factories, by vehicles and large trucks. At second, massive of cars were using on road that fumed exhaust
and by cutting down trees for constructing and farming that actually would be
helped from emerged exhaust.<(나무가 carbon dioxide를 absorb 하는 것은 greenhouse gases를 release하는 것과 반대입니다. 또한 차도 fossil fuels를 태우기 때문에 gas emission이 있는 것입니다)
On top of this, sun energy strikes was stroke to
the ground and it was changed into with heat. In addition, some heat isolated Some of this heat is trapped into
greenhouse gases after it was bounced back down to earth due to the atmosphere when radiating into space under the clouds. As well as, some heat
energy soared rapidly into space without bouncing back. Meanwhile, when sun energy is radiated, some
energy crushed on the cloud and it is reflected off of the to atmosphere instead of reaching the to ground.
Score: 6 Comment: 표현과 쓰시는 단어에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 기본적으로 diagram을 이해하신 것 같고 잘 정리를 해주셨지만 어색하거나 알맞지 않는 표현 때문에 정보가 정확하게 전달이 되고 있지 않습니다. 또한 설명을 해주실때 수동태 보다는 능동태를 사용 해주시는게 더 좋은 부분들이 있습니다. 이 부분들은 글 안에 있는 수정을 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |