▶ Your Answer :
While some people argue that it is better
for people to adjust to the climate change as a part of our life, I believe that humans should be eager to solve this problem.
On the one hand, there are some reasons why
some people think that we should find a way to live with climate change.
Firstly, to solve this phenomenon we need to spend a lot of money, which means
huge parts of government budget that can be used to tackle other social
problems like public healthcare, education and security are transported to the environmental sector. Secondly, from an economic perspective, environmental
regulations are hindering the development of corporations which contribute to
the quality of people's life such as increase in employment rate or better
salaries for normal employees by charging environmental taxes or restricting their
potential capacity. <(글쓴이의 의견을 묻고 있는 질문에 다른 사람의 의견을 써주시면 에세이가 자칫 discussion이 될 수 있습니다. 또한 글쓴이의 의견을 묻고 있기 때문에 글쓴이의 의견을 써주시면 좋습니다. 예를 들어 이 내용도 글쓴이는 어느정도 agree한다고 생각을 하시면 그렇다고 밝혀주시면 좋습니다. 또한 why some people think that 같은 내용을 안써주시는게 좋습니다)
On the other hand, I believe that humans are
responsible for addressing the climate change. If we neglect insuring this
hazardous environmental problem, our nature will be destroyed slowly but surely
and many more animals and plants will disappear one by one. Moreover, we will see
extremely hotter summers and more frequent floods and tsunamis as people become increasingly
indifferent to environment. As a result, climate change will accelerate until we can't<(formal essay에서는 contraction을 안써주시는게 좋습니다) live on Earth anymore on our planet. Lastly, we also have duty to hand over this intact
nature to our descendants and other creatures.
In conclusion, it seems to me that if we
don't take look at seriously this climate change seriously, this phenomenon will have a tremendous negative impact on human's lives and all other creatures'.
Score: 7 Comment: 잘 서술해주셨습니다. 다만 글쓴이의 의견을 묻고 있는 질문에서는 글쓴이의 의견만 써주시는게 좋습니다. 또한 formal essay에서는 contraction을 안써주시는게 좋습니다. 문법상 silly mistakes와 어순에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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