The idea of being self-employed is a
subject of debate. Some people choose to work under company or organisation, however
most of people in present decide to be self-empoyed instead. It is undeniable
that this issue may cause disadvantage to the economic system of the country.
To begin with, the main cause of being
self-employed is demanded competitions in cooperations. To be specific, especially
in globally large companies company, joining these kinds of company companies is not only a chellange
but also still have to compete with others for their own promotion. It becomes
worse when people get old, higher management push them to show profitable
outcome, not only that young and intelligent colleagues keep follow old seniors
behind and look for their posion to be available for them. (<----- 이 문장은 댓글 주세요!) Consequently, people
who old and lost their power gave up their stable job, and choose to be self-emploved.
Admittedly, this issue is considered
harmful to the economic system of the country for the reason of tax problem. It
is commonly observed that people who manage managings their own bussiness likely to
hide their income and not report to the government. For instance, they transfer
their income to other family members and make themselves to be look pool (poor?). Then
it helps them to look gaining not enough money to support their family and the
government impose taxes to them less than their actual income. This clearly
shows that how people can use their work condition badly if they are not under
specific cooperations. Then it affects the economic system in our country because
they are not contiributing with taxes.
In conclusion, being self-employed caused by too much competitions required is a one of the biggest problems in the country. This is because this matter ????
총평: 일단 결론이 마무리되지 않아서 따로 점수는 뺐는데 아마 저 부분만 잘 작성됐으면 6.0은 문법이 조금 불안하기는 하나 아슬아슬하게 받을 수 있었을 것으로 보입니다. 대신 철자 오류 나지 않도록 주의해주시고, 문장들도 다양성보다는 정확성에 초점을 두고 작성해주세요! 수고하셨습니다 :)
다음 시험 예정 1월 15일 - 목표점수 6.0