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It is generally agreed >> 수동태 안 됩니다 accepted that significant benefits have been gained from techonological innovations. Regarding this, some people argue that it has brought harms more than good things. However, I strongly believe that, despite of although the drawbacks are casued by technology such as the cause deterioration of the environment, it has brought more convenience and efficiency to the modern society.
On the one hand, people certain are confident that technological development has brought in detrimental effects in the society. For example, due to the emission of CO2 emission, many people in large cities have been in troubles by suffering from respirtory deseases such as pneumonia, asthma, and so on. In addition, the air pollution has an negative effect on an ozone layer>> 공기오염이 오존층에 영향을 줬나요?, which can cause skin cancer and impaired sight. These examples illustrate that technology has been harmful for the environment and the people.
On the other hand, It is obvious that technology has brought numerous benefits in the society. The technology devlopment has been brought about much conveniences for people`s life. For instance, the invention of a light bulb has extremely affected the lifestyles of the people. It changes people to have many activities not only for daytime but also for night time. In addition, the invention of an airplane has enabled people to travel all over the world in a day. It results in the innovation of travelling for the people. In this regrad, it is undoubted that technology leads to incommensurable convenience and efficiency for the people`s life.
In conclusion, although technology has harmful effects, the benefits outweigh its negative things. Therefore, I have a strong confidence that taking the advantage of technology should be encouraged.
관사와 콤마 쪽에서 오류가 많네요 작아보여도 엄연히 문법의 일종입니다 결론은 한 줄 정도 더 쓰시는게 좋을 듯 싶구요 위에 표시한 부분들 잘 봐주시길 바랍니다 또한 efficiency가 아닌 effectiveness 라고 쓰시는게 맞을 듯 싶네요 어떤 효율적인 역할은 없었다고 봅니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6 6.0 예상합니다
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