▶ Your Answer : Korea is the only devided country with North and South in the world which is divided into two countries.We know that most of North Koreans are suffering from serious poverty. Not only North Korea but also plenty of nations have difficulties solving poverty issues. What makes poverty and how can we help the poor?
In my opinion, the first reason for poverty is political problems. As I mentioned in the beginning, >> 공산주의는 어디에도 언급이 없었습니다 communism leads to terrible poverty to North Korea. Each year, femine>> ?? kills million of people in North Korea. Due to defensive 믿음엔 방어적보단 conservative 인 보수적이란 말이 더 좋겠네요 beliefs of the leaders, >> 콤마 넣어주세요 people are not able to share equal opportunities and it causes the gap between the rich and the poor. Similary, >> 부사 뒤에 콤마 넣어주세요 I can say some civil wars happening in Africa>> 갑자기 너무 뜬금없이 나왔습니다 civil war가 왜 뭐로 인해 누구에 의해 일어났는지 배경지식이 없는 사람으로선 공감하기 힘듭니다.
The next reason is an educational issues. Since people suffering from poverty do not have enough chances to be educated and experienced, they cannot have not improved their quality of lifes. It seems to me they are just satisfied with their status and they do not try to change and develop the situation. A frog in the well knows nothing of the great ocean. >> 아카데믹한 글에선 인용구 속담 등은 안 씁니다 In order to help the poor in the world, >> 전치사구 문두에 나올 시 콤마입니다 I think the most essential solution is offering more desirable alternatives. We need to encourage them to study. It is easy for educated people to get meet >> get 동사는 뜻이 많아 어휘력에 좋지 않습니다 beneficial possiblities. The other way to help them is donation. In my case, I have been donating 10 dollars every month for about 3 years. I am supporting Rena who lives in Africa with money I have spent. Thanks to my aid, she is able to go to school and does not have to work to earn money. Even thought it is not big assistance, I am proud of myself to assist her, for she is eager to eacape from poverty.
People say poverty is a hard problem to solve. However, we should notice there are many people waiting for hands for help.
콤마에 대해 거의 모르시는 것 같습니다 콤마가 작아보여도 자체로 문장의 뜻을 변화시키는 큰 존재입니다 글의 경계 쉬어주는 부분 등을 알려주는 중요한 그래머 요소입니다 꼭 공부하셔야 합니다 위에 표시한 부분들 봐주세요 사실 본론 부분이 두번째 부분이 너무 짧고 갑자기 나온 내용도 있어 공감하기 어려워 논리 부분에서 감점이 될 지도 모르겠지만 우선은 다시 잘 써보시란 의미에서 잘 드려봅니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5 6.0 예상합니다 |