▶ Your Answer : Nowadays, a lot of people have interests on diet loosing weight to keep their both health and good shape of bodies. Sometimes, someones used to fail his/her purpose that how much weight they decrease properly >> to reach their target weight. In case of a successful person is easy to spread rapidly his/her ways rapidly and people tend to follow that directions. >> In case of a successful person 이라고 하고 완전한 문장이 나오는데 in case of 명사 , (콤마) 하고 완전한 절이 나와야 합니다 문법적으로 틀렸습니다 Therefore, researchers or experts illustrate the most efficient methods to loose weight through various books, magazines and media. >> 서론에 맞지 않는 글쓰기입니다 I will describe the most effective ways for a diet in this essay.
First of all, To loose weight is necessary that keep balance between proper diet plan and exercise a proper diet plan is one of the best ways to be thinner. If you a person skips a meal repeatedly, your his or her health would will be spoiled by malnutrition. Otherwise, to excessive exercise is harmful to the body even though the weight may decrease slightly. Therefore, experts recommend that five major nutrients such as protein, carbohydrate, fat, vitamin, >> 3개 이상 나열 중 마지막 and/or 앞엔 콤마가 필요합니다 and mineral including should be inclided in each meals and the calculated amount of meal are is helpful to control the weight. In addition, dinner time has limitation as like before 6 pm effects on person’s diet. >> 한 본문엔 하나의 의견만 써주세요 diet plan 인지 exercise 인지 둘 다 흐지부지하게 끝났습니다 Otherwise 나 In addition 역시 주장을 나타날 때 쓰는 부사이므로 없애주시구요 전체가 말이 잘 섞이지 않고 각 문장마다 다른 얘기를 하고 있는 듯 싶네요
Moreover, the regular exercising is contributes to loose weight. It is because of burning the physical stimulation help fat to be burned out extra fats and absorbing the nutrients >> what nutrients? as well. For implementation, I think that an instructor is needed to guide them people who want to remove fat from their bodies as a good process to loose weight. For example, a nutritionist, a family doctor, >> 콤마 넣어주세요 or a health trainer is able to give the correct information and guide them to loose weight effectively >> 중복입니다. Unless there is an accurate direction, some people are will be apt to frustrated by weight score>>??.
In conclusion, I think the most effective impact resource to loose weight is regular diet meals including essential calories and exercise. This trend to be slim would give advantages to people for caring their health from obesity or other diseases, too as well. Balanced diets and exercise are the most effective ways in modern society.
첫번째 교정 받아보고 자세한 조언에 감동했습니다. 감사합니다. 조언에 따라 T1연습을 먼저 해야하는데 T2교정을 또 올리게 되어 유감스럽지만 T1도 연습 많이 하여 글 올리겠습니다. 시험이 코앞이라 맘이 급해서 T2를 안할수가 없네요..^^;
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각 문단 첫 시작은 한 칸 들여쓰고 시작해주세요 글 전체적으로 무슨 말을 하는지 모르겠습니다 다 읽고 났는데 남는게 없는 느낌입니다 관사, 구두점 문제도 많이 안 지켜지고 작문 자체로도 이상한 것들이 많았습니다 Task1 보다도 문법, 단어 공부 하시는게 급할 듯 싶을 정도로 현재 많이 지켜지지 않는 부분들이 있습니다 공부 많이 하셔서 T1 연습도 많이 해보시고 충분한 점수 따고 T2 진행해보시길 바랍니다
Task Achievement - 4 Coherence and Cohesion - 3 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 3
4.0 예상합니다
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