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Falling asleep, playing with a cell phone, and talking with classmates often occur during a class time. What happens possibly during a break time? Some students shot the gun towards teachers and classmates. Actually, Nowadays, a lot of schools face to serious problems with students' insincere attitudes >> 이런 식으로 문제 제기를 먼저 해야 해요 추가로 테스크에서 물어보는 것에 대한 본인의 전체적인 주장을 말해야 하구요 In my opinion, the bad behaviours are come from ignorance to the pupils. ~~ in many ways.
Why do severe situations happen? Mainly, To begin with, these situations are caused by ignorance. First, public institutions ignore easily do not care about each student's interests. In other words, many students have to study some subjects which they are do not really enjoy and think totally useless in their lives. Second, some students get personal lectures outside, and the lectures, frankly, help them improve test results more efficiently than those taught by schools. As a result, many students decide to learn outside schools, and schools, finally, become places just for playing with friends or just for getting a certificate. Moreover, some students are ignored and hurt either mentally or physically by others in schools. For example, some students do not have a chance to talk with other classmates for several reasons which they cannot control with, such as appearance, race, etc. >> 현재 bold 처리한 것들은 모두 주장을 나타낼 때 쓰는 부사들입니다 한 본문엔 하나의 주장만 나와야 하는데 현재 4개가 나왔습니다 또한 주장이 나왔을 때 왜 그 주장을 말했는지에 대한 설명이 없고 그 설명이 어떻게 적용되는지에 대한 예시가 있지 않습니다
Otherwise, solving these numerous tragic situations, what can we do? Our societies should drive people to respect each other. Firstly, schools strengthen themselves' educational abilities. For that, teachers need to keep studying in order to improve themselves, >> 선생님들은 그들 스스로를 향상시키기 위해 계속해서 공부해야 한다 - 어떤 공부를 말하는건가요? 앞에 abilities 가 나왔기에 좀 더 세세한 설명이 필요로 됩니다 recovering students' admiration. Secondly, schools should care of individuals' interests and try to achieve their different needs as much as possible. Finally, institutions must teach students the importance of respecting each others >> secondly에서 위와 같은 상황입니다.
In conclusion, solving the problems related with to students' bad attitudes in schools, societies should support to make a circumstance respecting atmosphere with each other; Students should be respected by everyone as well as do by schools, including teachers.
우선 문법보단 전개와 구조를 위주로 봤습니다 위에 표시된 부분들이 더 많을 정도로 아직 Task2에선 부족한 모습을 많이 보이고 있습니다 Task1을 먼저 작성해주시는 동시에 단어 문법 공부도 해주시길 바랍니다 사실 라이팅이 7점대가 되더라도 단어 문법 공부는 계속 해줘야 하니까요 따로 채점은 드리지 않겠습니다 |