▶ Your Answer :
Using private cars is very common in these days
since it is extremely convenient. However, high rate of car ownership can be
lead diverse problems such as air pollution in our society. Any pollution will not only be destroyed not only the environment but also our health. In this essay, I will
discuss about this problem with examples and solutions.
First of all, the government should operate public
parking lots by charging high parking fees the car parked with high price. Many countries have
public parking lots to for people to use it with a very reasonable price. For example,
people in a city, the first thing people in the city do to do is finding a spot for their cars like public
parking since the government provides it at any popular locations. <(설명이 많이 부족합니다)>If the
government changed the policy or start new system for parking lot, the use of cars
would be decreased slightly.
Secondly, the concentration of population in a city
can be one of the causes for this problem. Nowadays, a huge city is getting
bigger and bigger (so that make inner city in suburb to reside)????. Most people
drive cars to the commute from home to work. Mostly, through the (Russian hour)?? cars emit CO2 to air desperately. The pollution from the individual cars are caused
by over population, so we need to get rid of the cause at first<(이렇게 되면 사람을 줄여야한다는 소리로 견론이 됩니다).
In conclusion, some countries fortify their laws to
regulate the increasing cars to individuals <(countries such as?). From my personal view, I believe
that we should think about the cause of the increase in number of vehicles and
solutions.
Score:4.5 Comment: 문법이랑 어순이 많이 틀리고 계십니다. 특히 incomplete phrase가 많습니다. 어순이 어색해서 문장을 이해를 잘 못하겠습니다. 조금더 어순이랑 문법 공부를 하시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 다른 사람들의 에세이를 읽으면서 어순을 조금 배울실수있을겁니다. 설명 또한 더 필요합니다. 설명이 많이 잘 안되어있어서 글쓴이의 아이디어를 잘 반영이 되지 않는 것 같습니다.
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