▶ Your Answer :
The given line graph illustrates the
measurement of car theft crime about theft the massive amount of cars in different four different countries over 9 years period between 1990 and 1999.
In brief, what stands out from the graph is
that there was a considerable upward trends in Sweden, while the rest of
countries such as Great Britain, France and Canada saw a significant downward
patterns over the a period
In more detail, the less number of stolen
car was began with around 5 thefts per 1000 vehicles thousand in Sweden, whereas the UK was possessed the
most cars were stolen with almost 18 thefts thousand in 1990. Then cars thefts was
increased rapidly to with 10 thousand until 1994 in Sweden, compared to UK who had a
slight fluctuation from 1991 to 1996. In addition, the rate of car theft was
surged hugely up to over 12 thousand in 1996 <(fr which country? )and it peaked to was picked a peak almost 14
thousand. Meanwhile, the UK's car theft dropped to was drop with approximately with 13 thousand.
On the other hand, the rest of the countries
such as France and Canada were both went down to with 7 thousand and 5 thousand
since they were was set off with 9 thousand and 7 thousand respectively. Furthermore,
the France's car theft rate was a gradually rose raised until till 1995 then decreased again up to 6
thousand in 1999. In addition, the rate of Canada grew was grown slightly during 5
years from 1993 and Canada had was pinpointed was occurred the lowest car theft
among the other countries.
Score: 5 Comment: 그래프를 잘못 이해 하신 것 같습니다. 그래프의 figure는 thousands으로 계산이 된게 아니라 per 1000 vehicle 중 일어난 theft 수를 전달해주고 있으십니다. 그렇기 때문에 글쓴이가 전달해주시는 정보는 모두 inaccurate 합니다. 또한 문법과 표현에도 너무 많이 틀리시고 계십니다. 어순/문장구조/수동태-능동태 활용/article 활용/collocation/capitalization/correct word form/correct phrase form/에 주로 틀리시고 계십니다. 문법 연습과 문장구조 연습을 조금 더 하시는 것을 추천합니다. 그 외에는 grouping/organization에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 어떤 방식으로 내용을 grouping을 해주셨는지 clear하지 않습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |