▶ Your Answer :
(모든 문장은 대문자로 시작을 해주셔야합니다)
the given pie chart illustrates the
proportion of two genders arrested during the five years until 1994, and the bar
chart depicts the causes of arrested people person between females and males
in brief, what stands out from pie chart is
that males considerably are committed considerable more crimes more than girls, and the public
drinking is the most popular reasons from criminals
in more detail, just over a third of males
were arrested became a criminals, compared to females with 9 percent. also, a the massive
number of females were not arrested, while the rate of not arrested males were
accounted for 68 percent over the a period.<(마지막 문장은 굳이 필요가 없습니다. arrested 된 percentages로 이미 not arrested 된 percentage의 차이를 알수 있기 때문입니다)
In addition, the most major causes of being arrested became a criminal was public drinking for males and females with approximately
31 percent and 37 percent respectively. reversely, silence/no answer from the two genders was were
both placed the lowest rank with just under 4 percent of males and 7 percent of
females. Moreover as well as, the drink driving was also possessed at the top rank for males
with over 25 percent, whereas that of females was were significantly lower than males figures.
furthermore, the rest of the other crimes were remaining under 20 percent for both
genders.
Score: 6 Comment: 문법/organization에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법상 어순/표현/plurality/ article use/subject verb agreement/ 에 주로 틀리시고 계십니다. 또한 문장을 시작하실때에는 꼭 대문자로 시작을 해주셔야합니다. Organization상 어떤 순서나 방식으로 전달을 해주시는지 잘 모르겠습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 수정이나 코멘트를 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |