▶ Your Answer :
(모든 문장은 대문자로 시작 해주셔야합니다)
the given diagram depicts the process of
producing chocolate.
in brief, there are ten essential steps to
make chocolate. the process starts with harvesting the ripe red pods from cacao
trees, and ends up with the pressed inner part of the beans pressed to make liquid chocolate.
In more detail, at first, farmers need to
harvest ripe red pods from cacao trees were derived from South America, Africa
and Indonesia. after that, the white cocoa beans are pulled out from the red pods and
fermented beans in the a box. at the fourth forth stage, the fermented numerous white beans need to be
spread out under the sun to for dry it at outside with sunshine before then it is has to packed in large
sacks for delivery.
in the following sequences stage, the packed beans are moved into a factory by train or lorry to be roasted it with the in the highest
temperature. Next in the following stage, beans have to be crushed in a rotating mix through crushing
machine for removing the outer shell. at last, the inner part of the beans are pressed
with two large wheels in order to produce liquid chocolate.
Score: 6 Comment: Process가 잘 설명이 안된 곳이 일부 있습니다. 그 부분들은 글 안에 있는 수정을 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 주로 어순/표현/수식어/에 신경을 써주시면 될 것 같습니다. 또한 기본적으로 모든 문장은 꼭 대문자로 시작을 해주셔야합니다. 글쓴이는 대부분 모두 소문자로 써주셨습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |