▶ Your Answer :
The given table charts illustrates the
proportion of students who were home- schooled study at home in some country over period of 5 years
between 1999 and 2004.
In brief, what stands out from the table is
that there are gradually upward trends in almost sections except for Grade 1 to 2 and
Grade 5 to 6 that , while those ages had a slight fluctuation over the a period.
In more detail, the most popular
homeschooling was most popular in kindergarten in 1999 with 2.4 percent and it increased
continually up to 2.6 percent until 2001. Homeschooling in Grade 1 to 8 all
groups followed a similar patterns had a similar percentage in 1999, all remaining at between 1.5 to 1.6
percent. In addition, grade 3 to 4 slightly went up to 1.8 percent in 2001. However,
Grade 1 to 2 had a slight fluctuation between 1999 and 2001 and the grade 5 to
6 began with 1.5 percent then it remained stable with 1.3 percent.<(be more specific) Furthermore,
the rate of grade 7 to 8 was same percentage with 1.6 percent since 1999 to
2001
In the following sequences years, Kindergarten
leveled off with 2.7 percent since from 2002 to 2003, and it peaked to figure of 2.9
percent in 2004. In addition, as well as, the proportion of grade 5 to 6 was remarkably
higher for 2003 by 0.5 percent than that of 1.6 percent for 2002. Besides, the
rest of other age groups were surged rapidly at 2004.
Score: 6 Comment: 내용 정리를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 specificity에 신경을 조금 더 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 연도 별로 비교를 해주시는 것 보다는 학년별로 비교를 해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 예를들어 overview에서 설명 해주신 것 처럼 한 문단에서는 gradually increase에 대해서 서술을 해주시고 한 그룹에서는 fluctuate한 그룹에 대한 정보를 전달을 해주실 수 있습니다. 문법상 표현과 어순에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |