▶ Your Answer :
In some countries, the level of average weight of people has increased and their health and fitness condition is decreasing. This is because they usually work too much and they have bad eating habits. This essay will outline the reasons and present potential solution. To start with, people these days are too busy to exercise for their health and fitness in general. They have to work even at home as well as sit seat on a the chair and stay in the office all day. In addition, they do not have enough time to have a proper meal properly. <인스턴트 음식을 먹는것이 왜 제대로된 식사를 할 시간이 없는지를 설명해주지는 않습니다> This is because, they usually have instant food during working, such as hamburgers. It is evident that instant food and junk food is bad for health and also it makes people gain a weight.
To solve these problems, companies should offer appropriate break time for exercising, such as jogging or stretching. Not only that people have to treat well their eating habits well and consciously. This is because meals directly affect directly to people's health. They should have the meals which are is rich in nutrients such as vitamins and proteins. Moreover, the government should implement campaigns to increase people's awareness of importance of exercising as well as establish many sport centers for the public. Overall, due to the busy lifestyles and eating habits, health and fitness of people is getting worse. To overcome these problems, it is vital to that not only increase people's perspective of health and exercising, but also the effort of companies and the government by implementing campaigns and offering appropriate working hours.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 질문을 잘 답해주셨다고 생각합니다. 다만 두 번째 문단에서는 주로 인스턴트를 먹는 다는 것이 음식을 먹을 시간이 없는 이유가 되지는 않습니다. 문법상 collocation/어순에 주로 틀리시고 계십니다. 문법에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |