Some people think governments should focus the spending only on public services rather than wasting money on arts(music, printing, etc.).
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The prevalence of rapidly changing society is sure to have far-reaching effects on individuals. From this aspect, a contentious controversial 혹은 moot가 좋겠습니다 question is raised whether governments have to place public services as a priority that arts or not, instead of arts 가 좋겠습니다. In this essay, cons>> pros and cons는 한 번에 쓰는게 좋다고 생각됩니다 advantages 가 좋겠어요 about the topic will be addressed as following.
Disadvantages related to excessive development of common services are known. 무엇으로 혹은 누구에게 알려졌나요? Considering the fact that an adequate amount of money is needed for every field, it is hard to improve the art area because most of the facilities related with arts such as museum and galleries, which mainly depend on just entrance fee which is minimum cost to preserve them. If governments concentrate on a large amount of fund that some of them should be spend on arts as subsidies into only public services, few institutions which mostly deal with music or painting will remain in the future. Therefore, blindly focusing money on public service rather than on arts can trigger undesirable outcomes. 바람직하지 않은 혹은 바라지 않는 결과물은 뭐가 있을까요?
The population's burden become more weighty and increasing. With the fiercely competitive society, efforts to enhance the common services require a massive financial affair since the complex processes to develop numerous equipments, which guarantee individual living condition on a high level, entail an immense amount of monetary supports which is chiefly came from taxes, which is likely to backfire as a boomerang bringing about pecuniary troubles to the public.>> 수식에 수식에 수식이면 너무 복잡하고 내용에 혼동도 옵니다 깔끔한 문장이 아닙니다 However, it could play a wholesome role in welfare system to some extent. For example, some weakness people like such as the old or the disabled can enjoy the high-quality common services because they need convenient and comfortable>> comfortable tool이라곤 쓰지 않습니다 따로 편리한 도구와 편안한 장소라고 해주세요 tools and places at every moments.
In a nutshell, a big improvement of social service by focusing governments' finance rather than art area might be a merit to the weak. Nonetheless, the area still needs constantly considerable subsidies constantly from governments. Moreover, to develop public services, a great deal of>> great deal of 는 셀 수 없는 명사에 쓰입니다 financial helps like such as the population's taxes are crucial, which can arouse negative effects.
수식이 너무 많습니다 수식도 잘라가며 부사로 시작하거나 전치사로 시작하는 등 다양한 문법의 사용을 보여주세요 단어 선택은 좋았습니다
Task Achievement - 6
Coherence and Cohesion - 6
Lexical Resource - 7
Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
6.0 예상합니다