▶ Your Answer :
This line chart compares information about figures of yearly expenditure on books by four countries (Germany, France, Italy, and Austria) over a period of 10 years, starting from 1995.
To begin with, it can be clearly seen that most graphs showed by far >> by far는 최상급에 붙어서 강조하는 표현입니다 rises in each different trends throughout the period shown. German people also spent the most money among the other four countries, peaking reaching a peak at about 95 million dollars >> 이 부분은 오버뷰가 아닙니다 오버뷰는 단순히 경향 분석이라고 보고 연도가 아닌 어떤 수치가 들어가는 즉시 바로 디테일이 됩니다 또한 오버뷰와 디테일 문단 나누지 말아주세요. Between 1995 and 1999, three countries except Italy spent increasingly their money on books increasingly, while the number of the items bought by Italian people remained stable around 50 million dollars. Over the same period, the number of Austrian inhabitants was stayed one third of that of German's residents. In the year 2001, the book consumption in Austria was started to increase dramatically from 40 million dollars to 70 million dollars by 2005, which was approximately as the same as France's >> 이렇게 계속 이어지는건 좋지 않습니다. What is more, there are was a small amount of spending about 5 millions dollars in the number of France's spending.
In conclusion, it is noticeable that people in four countries had spent gradually more their money on books, even though there were tiny fluctuations in particular countries.
전반적으로 괜찮았던 부분들이 점점 보입니다만 아직 단어나 문법은 조금씩 부족합니다 잘 보셔서 좀 더 다양하게 표현해주시거나 정확하게 해주세요
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
6.0 예상합니다만 5.5와 6.0이 애매합니다 확실한 6.0을 만들어주세요 |