▶ Your Answer : The line charts provides the information about how many European people bought fish and three sorts of meats(chicken, beef, and lamb) per week between 1979 and 2004.>> 사진이 없어 모르겠지만 주어진 주제에선 a European country란 특정한 나라의 사람들이란 범위를 줬는데 그냥 유러피언이라고 했네요 또한 per week란 말이 있나요? 같은 주제의 다른 글들에선 per week 이란 언급을 못 본 듯 싶습니다 To begin with, it can be clearly seen that the least popular food was by far >> by far는 이렇게 쓰지 않습니다 최상급 앞에 붙어서 강조를 더합니다 the very >> the very란 뜻을 알면 이 곳에 쓰지 않습니다 바로 그 이런 뜻인데 fish란게 바로 그 물고기라고 쓰기가 상당히 어색하죠 fish throughout all the given period. Meanwhile, the number of chicken consumption increased gradually at the same time. In 1979, the beef was bought by people nearly 220 grams per week, whereas european people did not purchase chicken and lamb as much as the former >> the former는 전자 후자를 나태낼 때 전자를 말합니다 전자 후자 말할 항목은 여기서 chicken 과 lamb 밖에 없는 말이 되질 않네요 one did, showing similar amounts at about 150 grams respectively. However, the three features(the sorts of meat) had indicated dramatically changeable trends at each except a use of fish>>??. The figures for chicken rose by about 100 grams, reaching a peak at 250 grams, while the consumption of >> that for beef decreased steeply from 240 grams to 100 at the period shown. As the same way, the chart of lamb also dropped relatively small amounts about from 150 grams to 70 grams . Simultaneously, the consumption of fish contiuned to remain stable near 50 grams, which was approximately one fifth of the highest figure of chicken consumption. In conclusion, people had consumed increasingly more chicken increasingly, but other foods had showed the opposite trends as toward the year 2004.
아직 단어나 문장에 있어서 오류가 많이 납니다 부족한 부분이 꽤 보이구요 문장이 제대로 성립되지 않거나 단어도 틀리게 사용하는 경우가 있습니다 글자수도 좀 더 줄이는게 좋겠구요 그래도 전보단 지적해드린 문법들이 조금은 나아지는 현상들이 보이네요 아직은 task1 더 써주세요
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5 5.5 예상합니다 |