Your Answer ▼ Sharing much information with other parts
such as scientific research, business, and the academic world has always been a
subject of debate. Some people think that it is helpful to share as much as
possible, while others feel that excessive sharing causes some problems.
Although arguments on both sides are worth exploring, I think that some
information should not be revealed for the following (some 이 반복되지 않기 위해 바꿔드렸습니다.) some reasons.
On the one hand, those who believe that
most information can be used by several parts ('공유' 의 의미를 조금 더 직접적으로 담아낼 수 있도록 수정해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다.) assert that some information can
be useful resources in developing other industries. For instance, individual
information on social media can have an impact on gaining preference of customers. In
part of business, suitable products can be composed through the information. As
a result, it can be an important role in boosting other parts.
On the other hand, some people assert that
it (새로운 문단이 시작되므로, 이 it 이 무엇을 지칭하는지에 대해 다시 한번 상기시켜주세요. 여기의 경우 '정보 공유' 가 되겠죠.) can trigger some serious situations. First of all, even though some
significant information has to be treated by the owner of information, if it is revealed reveals freely, it would be like to be taken away it by others. For example, shared
production technology evokes mimicked products by other companies. What happened
to companies that invented the products for the first time? Those can often witness that original companies were bankrupt due to the cheap prices of imitation. (아마 이전 글에도 지금과 같은 형식의 문장이 있었던 것 같은데, 스피치를 작성하는 것이 아니므로 그냥 평문으로 서술해주세요~) Another reason is that some information shared freely can bring about
serious crimes. A few years ago, those who won the lottery was killed due to a
lot of money. Since the media revealed information of the winner, the crime
happened. (과학 등 논제에 제시된 사항에 대한 사항은 아니므로 수정이 필요합니다.)
In conclusion, between two views, I firmly
agree with the latter opinion for the reasons mentioned above. (지금보다는 조금 더 구체적인 결론을 서술해주세요~)
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