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There is no doubt many poorer countries try
to solve poverty with financial helps by rich countries, but those aids cannot
solve the fundamental problems, so I totally agree with the given statement (사실 이렇게 적는 게 그렇게 좋다고 볼 수는 없습니다. 물론 논제를 바탕으로 작성하는 글은 맞지만, 그래도 '주어진 사항에 동의한다' 보다는 'xxxxx 라는 의견에 동의한다' 등으로 'xxxx 가 무엇을 지칭하는지' 정확하게 밝혀주시는 게 낫긴 해요.),
and this essay will discuss other types of help to overcome poverty in poorer countries to be away from poverty for
poorer countries.
Firstly, the most important thing is that
poorer countries should build their income level. Basically, the financial aid
is just one of consumables. Without the continuous financial help, it may be
meaningless. Therefore, poorer countries should earn money by themselves (그렇게 할 수 있는 능력을 길러야 한다~와 같이 적어주시는 게 더 좋아보입니다.). In
order to make the phenomena, the aids of rich countries are required. Building production
factories by developed countries is one of the good examples. If they build the
factories and teach production skills to the people in poorer countries, both
parties can get advantages which are the decrease/reduction of to lower labor costs for developed
countries and to increase the increase in the number of job positions for poorer countries. It
can be a stimulus to increase their income level and to induce economical
improvement.
Secondly, food, necessaries and medical
aids are necessary in addition to money. One of the main reasons for suffering
difficulties in avoiding poverty is the health problem. The keys of improving
economy are population, resources and technologies, so the population is absolutely
needed. However, many poorer countries are today suffering a variety of
diseases and famine, so it is hard to maintain the population in those countries the number of people because of
them. Thus, food, necessaries and medical aids are quite helpful for them to
solve the health problem, and their government can focus on booming their
economies instead of any obstacles.
In conclusion, the financial aid from rich
countries is necessary, but it is clear that the different types of aids like
building factories, food, necessaries and medics as mentioned are more
important to solve the fundamental problems of poverty. (제공의 대상, 즉 개발도상국을 문단 내에 한번은 밝혀주세요~)
(305 words) |