▶ Your Answer :
The two graphs below provide information on the reasons for study according to different ages of pupils and the volume of support they earn acquired >>earn보다 더 방향이 확실하다고 생각이 되어 적어드렸습니다 from employers
First of all, the first graph indicates that five different ages with career and interests. The most outstanding feature was that student aged under 26 with interest was the most at 80%. However, this tendency >> this만 쓰면 너무 심심해집니다 다른 명사를 추가해주세요 gradually declined gradually>> 부사는 동사 뒤에서 수식합니다 by the ages between 26 and over 49, while the ages of students with career increased dramatically from 10% of aged under 26 to 70% of aged over 49.
In addition, there is the most significant feature of the second graph was that students aged under 26 provided by employer, and >>서로다른 두 완벽한 문장인데 콤마로만 이어줄 수 없습니다 this is steadily decreased by aged from 26 to 39. However, the people between 26 and over 49 rose gently
In conclusion, comparing to the two graphs, students aged under 26 are inclined to study for down the road due to be supported by employers. In contrast, people, who are becoming old, prefer to have interest than career
prefer to v 의 기본 꼴과 그래프 등을 말할 땐 이미 위에 나와있으므로 항상 the를 붙여줘야 합니다 get동사는 뜻이 많아 어휘의 다양성을 낮춰보이게 할 수 있으므로 사용을 자제해주시고 서로 다른 두 문장을 이어주는 것을 잘 확인해주시기 바랍니다 접속사가 꼭 필요합니다 people under 26, 26-year-old students , students who are 26 years old 등 표현 방법을 다양합니다 다채롭게 써주세요
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
5.5 예상합니다 |