▶ Your Answer :With technological and mechanical advances in an aerospace industry,>> 단지 해외 여행에 항공 우주까지 하는 것은 절대 맞지 않습니다 people are easy to go abroad with their family for vacations >>가족과 간다고 언급되지 않았습니다 한정시키면 안 됩니다. Some people state that trips to overseas have negative impacts on the domestic economy. On the other hand, others argue that traveling overseas gives people opportunities to learn and absorb other cultures and languages. In addition to these two reasons, there are some merits and demerits in this trend which is mentioned in the question box. >> Task 문제를 완벽하게 적어주지 않으셔서 모르겠는데 글이 포괄적인 내용에서 한정시키는 내용으로 변했다는 사실은 확인됩니다
To begin with, one of the advantages of traveling overseas is that we can learn other cultures, customs, >> 콤마 넣어주세요 and also languages. Generally speaking, people usually spend most of their life time in native country. They find their jobs or buy his or her houses in home country. So, it's >> so also but and or 는 문두에 들어가지 않습니다 또한 축약형은 쓰지 않아 it is 라고 써주세요 not easy to move around, especially abroad go abroad. In my experience, I've >> I have 로 써주세요 been to France with my friends for 3 months. It was one of the best time I've ever had. I learned methods about how to deal with problems in French ways and also saw a lot of gorgeous and famous buildings and scenic spots. If i wasn't >> were not go abraod for holiday, I would not experience such a wonderful time.
However, traveling to other countries costs too much. In a domestic point of views, foriegn exchanges are drained by travelers who particularly iive in home country.>> 무슨 뜻이죠? 외화가 관광객들에 의해서 유출된다는 말인가요? exchange 말고 currency라고 해주시길 바랍니다 According to a survey conducted by the immigration office, the more people go abroad, the more money is spilled out (of the country) >> the 비교급 형태는 엄연히 문법 상으로는 맞진 않는 이상한 구조입니다 쓰지 않으시는 것을 추천드립니다. Especially in foreign-exchange retention, the total amount of it has decreased for last 20 years. This trend shows that an increase in trips to overseas corresponds with a decrease in foreign exchange reserve the possesion of foreign currency.
In conclusion, it is debatable whether it is reasonable to travel overseas for vacations or not>> whether 다음은 완전한 절입니다. We can enjoy and experience new things such as cultures, lifestyles, and so on. In contrast to this, we are able to consume much money at a time that time.
테스크를 정확히 써주시면 판단하기에 더욱 좋을텐데 현재 글은 너무 범위가 축소된 듯 싶습니다 여행의 증가에 따른 변화 자체에 대해서 서술하는게 좋을 듯 싶습니다 빨간 부분들 봐주시고 축약형은 절대 쓰지 않도록 해주세요 Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
5.5 예상합니다 |