▶ Your Answer : As all of us already acknowlege that rainforests are important resources for human beings as well as for animals, we have to do something>> something what? 해결책을 제시해야 한다 막아야 한다 등 구체적이게 써주세요 to prevent the regions >> 중복을 피해주세요 from being destroyed. With the society advaced and developed owing to technology, we often neglect the importance of nature. Now, the people in rainforests destroy their valuable land by burning to farm the land. I'll >> 축약형은 절대 금물입니다 풀어서 써주세요 I will demonstrate that why it is necessary to do something appropriate to preserve our rainforests. First of all, all of organisms need oxygen to live properly and rainforests take a lot of parts of making a lot of oxygen. all organisms need it to maintain their lives. Since there is a number of plants there, a great number of animals live there as well. Needless to say, rainforests give out generate enough oxygen for us to live well, so without it, it is going to be a disaster to live without it. It is also reported that medicine we usually take in when we are sick is mostly from the rainforest in the Amazon rainforest. Like this Indeed, we have taken a lot of advantages from rainforests. Secondly, rainforests are the most fundamental resources to cool down the Earth. The Earth is getting >> get 동사는 좋지 않습니다 increasingly 라고 해주세요 hotter and hotter with the high technology which makes us live comfortable and easy. Nobody can deny that advanced technology bring numerous benefits to us, but it also happens a >> a few라면 굉장히 적은거라 오히려 benefit을 옹호하는 문맥으로 보여집니다 few side affects. For instance, they just focus on developing their country, not caring about the environment. That is why developed countriest blame developing countries for making the Earth like such as가 더 좋습니다 today>> today가 어떤 모습의 today 이며 지구를 이렇게 만든게 개도국 때문이란건 맞지 않습니다 오히려 환경을 해치는건 개발된 국가들이죠. However, I think developed countries are also to be blamed for that matters because they already made this situation worse.>> 따라서 이 문장도 옳지 않습니다 I am convined that people in undeveloped countries are in poverty. Therefore, 길어지고 한 문장에 하나의 주된 주장만 있는게 좋아 끊었습니다 so they don't >> do not으로 풀어쓰셔야 하며 뒤에 if 절이 있으므로 조동사가 들어가야 합니다 will not 으로 고쳐주세요 mind that nature can be being destroyed if it gives them nothing. They need land to feed themselves. To sum up, I strongly recommend that we need a system to stop our rainforest from being infertile. Advanced countries help poor countries to make a living properly with economic helps. 문장이 깁니다Moreover, developing countries reconsider the importance of our nature and educate business people to be careful to damage our invaluable ecosystem when doing their work they work not to damage our invaluable ecosystem. I heard that " our nature doesn't belong to us but we borrowed it from our next generation. >> 축약형 풀어주시고 인용구나 속담 등은 쓰면 안 됩니다 we should preserve our resources with continuous endeavor. 오류들이 꽤 많이 발견되었습니다 논리적으로 모순된 부분도 있었구요 다시 살펴봐주세요
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5 6.0 예상합니다 |