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Encouraging a sense of competition in children or teaching them to be co-operate in childhood is a debateable issue for many years. Both abilities have their own advantages and it is very important things for our life. However, it is hard to say which one is more important. I would like to represent both these views.
We are living in a world full of competition the fully competitve world. Since or even before children go nursery or primary school, they have been starting participating in a competitive life such as exam, course work and sports or arts performances. competition, For example. It is not only a competition but also we need a great result or achievement for our satisfaction>> not only 뒤와 but also 뒷부분은 형태가 같아야 합니다 앞에 명사가 나오면 뒤에 똑같이 명사로 앞에 절이 나오면 뒤에 똑같이 절이 나와야 합니다. We can easily see easily people who can accomplish a futher goal due to with their winning experience. Of course, there are some sorts of disadvantages sort of do , not caring about other people's feeling or become more selfish in order to win. Even though it has negative aspects, a sense of competition is essential for children.
On the other point of view, co-operation is another important feature for children. We communicate and live with other people at all time. Especially in school or work place, we spend many time with our classmates or colleagues. Besides, we do many team projects and teamwork, which is neccessary. With better co-operation, we can achieve our goal more effectively and efficiently. According to the BBC research, a team who co-operate effectively and efficiently, gets get동사는 좋지 않습니다 gain or acquire high grade in their performance. Defivitely >> ?? there are some negative aspects such as free rider or spend extra time for others jobs >> 역시 and를 기준으로 앞뒤 구조가 같아야 합니다. Despite of these disadvantages, co-operation is a neccessary things to become an useful adult.
As a result, although each aspects is >> each는 단수입니다 compulsory for the young, it is difficult to determine which one is more important. However, it is clear that both features need to be taught to become an useful adult>> 본문과 중복되는 문장이네요. Therefore, in my opinioin, teachers and parents should teach their children both a sense of competition and ability of co-operation.
문법 오류가 꽤 있습니다 콤마 사용법을 공부해보시길 바랍니다 부사가 문두에 나오면 콤마를 해주셔야 합니다 또한 스펠링 오류가 꽤 있고 수일치 관사 문제 등이 있으니 다들 잘 봐주시길 바랍니다 문장이 비슷하게 쓰인 것들이 많아 글이 단조롭습니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5 5.5 예상합니다 |