▶ Your Answer : With an inventing inventions of the smart equipment phone and the Internet, people have changed their way how to interact with others. Some people argue maintain that these technical changes by far head toward a negative way. However, I contend argue that positive effects from the technological improvement are larger than negative ones, with two reasons.
To begin with, before rendering my own opinion, it is necessary to discuss the other side's opinion first. the improvement of information technology changes people's communication type to be less face to face way >> 주장은 단언적인 어투가 좋습니다 people have less face-to-face interaction in communication. People They usually have a conversation in the virtual world, using the website online messengers or the SNS, not in the offline environment. >> because 를 문장 뒤로 빼주거나 It is because 식으로 해주세요 because of the feeling they does not meet in real, people in the modern society tend to interact more aggressively and rudely with each other more aggressively and rudely way. >> 앞과는 전혀 상관없는 얘기입니다 또한 people in modern 부터가 주장에 알맞는 말입니다 because of 는 it is because they do not ~~ 식으로 설명을 할 수 있구요
Nevertheless On the other hand, I believe that other positive factors of this are more considerable. Firstly, the boundary of personal relationship has been extended. >> 마침표 해주세요 with the chance of meeting various people in the SNS, from artists to engineers, who people could not meet easily before because the life style is so different with yours can make relationships with strangers.>> yours 같은 말(we us 등도 포함)은 주장이나 설명에서 쓰면 안 됩니다 객관적인 시선에서 작문해주세요 Secondly, a comprehending a friend's every life becomes easy, as you could see the post your friend's blog. This factor helps people's relationship being deeper and mor e comprehensive. >> 본문 하나엔 하나의 주장만 들어갑니다 이렇게 두 개의 주장을 제시하려면 애초에 본문 1 을 날리시고 이 두 주장들로 본문 1, 2 를 구성하셔야 합니다 그렇게 하는게 좋기도 하구요 250자의 짧은 에세이에서 두 주장을 모두 다루기엔 무리가 있습니다 both views 라고 주어지지 않는 이상엔 하나의 주장만 주장해주시길 바랍니다
In conclusion, even though the development of technology changes the type of people's interaction way of communicating less direct to less person-to-person, positive effects on it such as meeting a variety of people and understanding friend's daily life is still considerable.
우선 글자수가 240자로 250자의 기준에 미달입니다 논리 전개에 신경써서 작성해주시길 바라며 우선 Task1을 써보시길 바랍니다 필요없는 부분들도 지워버리면 200자에 가까워지니 Task1 쓰면서 논리 문법 단어 보충하다가 좀 지나서 Task2 써보시길 바랍니다 |