Global warming is one of the most serious issues that the world is facing today. What are the causes of global warming and what measures can governments and individuals take to tackle the issue?
Most people strongly say that the an environmental problem threatening human beings and even being able to exterminate terrestrial lives >>문제에서 제기된 내용이 아닙니다 is global warming. In this essay, I am going to explore argue why global warming has became a serious issue destroyed the earth and how both individuals and governments should be handle it.
To begin with, the one of main causes causing global warming is by burning fossil fuels are heating up the planet with harmful chemical. This is mainly because using petroleum, coal, and natural gas that humans use as resources increases the amount of carbon dioxide, which is a major contributor to global warming, emissions in the atmosphere, which contribute to warming the earth. For example, when people drive, fly, or even eat exotic foods ship, fossil fuels powering vehicles, airplanes, and enabling shipment vessels overseas are undoubtedly necessary >> necessary 가 나오면 주장이 transportation 이 필요하다 라는 주장에 맞는 말인 듯 싶어 지워드렸숩니다. Through these human activities, the temperature of the earth is steadily climbing emission of the principal element warm the earth. Consequently, even at this very moment, almost everyone is heating the earth regardless of where they live.
Nonetheless, the policy of the government for promoting alternative energy could be preventable method for atmospheric warming. As a result, the government has to promote to find out alternative ways of fueling. The chief reason is that by utilizing the solar energy, force of the wind, and geothermal power it is able to avert the colossal release of CO2 excretion by utilizing the solar energy, force of the wind, and geothermal power. For instance, it is shown in an article on 'The Health of the Earth' that which says that one of the developed countries exploiting substitute energy has reduced the quantity of its carbon dioxide under 17% in comparison with its disuse developing ones. Additionally, individual little endeavors, such as turning off lights when people go out or using less heater and air conditioner, would obstruct global warming progress accelerated >> additionally 는 추가적인 주장을 나타내는 부사입니다 본문 하나엔 하나의 주장이니 주의해주세요 .
In conclusion, although due to the fact that the earth is becoming warmer for various reasons, alternative, voluntary measures need to be taken to solve this problem.
본문 구성에 있어서 미흡한 부분들이 있었습니다 individuals 와 governments 의 대책 방안을 공통적으로 쓰시는게 좋습니다 개인을 따로 써주느라 본문 1에서 갑자기 모두가 지구를 가열시키고 있다라는 식으로 나와 일관성에 부합하는 논리적인 전개 면에서도 좋지 않았습니다 단어는 맞지 않은 부분이 있긴 했지만 그래도 다양하게 다른 부분들에서 효과적으로 써서 좋았습니다 어떤 기사나 연구결과가 어떻다 이런 말을 예시로 안 쓰는게 좋습니다 구두점이나 문법 틀리지 않을 곳에서 안 틀리면 6.5도 충분히 가능하다고 생각합니다
Task Achievement - 6
Coherence and Cohesion - 6
Lexical Resource - 7
Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6
6.0 예상합니다