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These two charts illustrate how the number of annaul visits to Australia by overseas residents >> 또 중복입니다 increased and give information about the number of visitors from six different countries where they come from among the six differnet countries(어디, 어디 ~~~~, and 어디) 이렇게 나라 표시해주세요.
Overall, the total number of visits to Australia by overseas residents significantly and constantly rised rose significantly and constantly >> 부사는 동사 뒤에서 꾸밉니다 from 1975 to 2005. In 1975, the number of visitors was around 10 million. During For two decades, it had the number increased approximately over 20 million people in this area (from roughly 10 million to just over 30 million). Specifically, the most visiting overseas country is Japan most tourists come from Japan. In 1975, the number of Japanese visitors from Japan was 3.2 million, but, in 2005, it had rised rose by 12.0 million>> 12m 만큼 올랐나요? 총합이 15.2 m 가 됐나요? 뒤에 .0 은 빼주세요 . The second largest number of residents is Korean ( in 1975 2.9 million in 1975 and in 2005 9.1 million in 2005 ) and third one is European ( the number of visitors increased from 0.9 million in 1975 to 4.5 million in 2005 >> 이렇게 쓸거면 괄호 없애고 문장으로 써주세요). Another countrie The others of countries' people such as from the USA, Britain, >> 세개 이상 나열 중 마지막 항목 앞 and/or 앞엔 콤마 넣어주세요 and China are rather slightly rised rose slightly in their numbers from 0.4, 0.9, >> 위와 마찬가지입니다 and 0.3 million in 1975 to 1.1, 2.9, and, >> 마찬가집입니다 0.8 million in 2005 respectively, >> 콤마를 넣어주세요 compared to Japan, South Korea, >> 마찬가지입니다 and Europe.
To sum up, there are enormous increases in visits to Australia by overseas residents population, especially in Japan, South Korea, and Europe.
전의 두 글보단 낫지만 그래도 부족한 부분은 여전히 비슷했습니다 문법 단어 공부 열심히 하시는게 좋을 것 같습니다 오버뷰라고 쓴 부분에도 디테일이 있는데 아래 디테일과 왜 나눠주셨는지 잘 모르겠습니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 6 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5 5.5 예상합니다 |