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In regards to the issue of aging population, the given figure takes different conditions from others and furthermore compares how the proportion of people who aged over 65 changed since 1940 and how it will differ until 2040 >> from 1940 to 2040, based on distinct three nations. Since my major is statistics, I will capture major trends and explain in details below >>그래프만 보고 판단해주세요 이런 얘기 절대 안 좋습니다. >> three nations 가 어떤 나라들인지 마지막에 괄호로 표시해주는 것도 좋습니다
By and large, it can be seen from the graph there were escalate movements in the figure of aging population throughout the given period, >> 콤마 빼주세요 and the rate is expected to rocket in by 2040. >> 오버뷰 디테일 단락 나눠주는거 아닙니다 붙여주세요
When examining the details of the chart, one can see that the percentage of the Japanese elderly population stood recorded at exactly 5 percent in the initial year, and it >> which 좀 더 다양한 구조를 보여주기 위해선 which 꼴도 보여주세요 declined by about half percent of the former >> the former ? the latter에 관한건 없는데 전자라고 나타내기엔 어색합니다 in around 1885>>?? ; however, it started to return back recovered. Finally, the Japanese’ aged group over 65 is anticipated to rocket to almost 30 percent. When it comes to the Sweden, the number of senior citizens climbed continuously from only about 7 to 20 percent between 1940 and the present, >> the present로 표시하기엔 너무 세세하다고 생각합니다 큰 부분들만 짚어서 표시해주세요 including a slight drop for about 10 years from about 1980. After that, Sweden is estimated to experience moderate falls until around 2030; and, then, it will recover and reach a peak of about over 25 percent. On the other hand, for the case of the USA where nearly one to ten people was elderly who are aged over 65 years old in 1940, the rate of this group indicated relatively a stable growth. Nevertheless, the US the line graph of the USA also seems to increase to nearly a quarter in the year 2040.
In a nut shell, regardless of the nations, our descendants will have a much more responsibility to support older generations due to prolonged longevity in the near future.
각 문단 첫 시작은 한 칸 띄고 시작해주세요 150자-180자 정도가 가장 이상적인 Task1에서 287자를 썼습니다 Task2 분량을 Task1에 썼으면 본 시험에선 절대 Task1, Task2 못 마치고 나올거라고 생각됩니다 필요없는 부분, 너무 세세한 부분까지 언급했고 1980년이면 1980년이지 about 1980은 이상합니다 분석에 대한 확신이나 정확성도 떨어져 보이구요 Task1 으로 계속 작성하시되 모범답안이나 다른 고득점 받으신 분들 글 참고해보시길 바랍니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
5.5 예상합니다 |