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Over the past decades, many people have regarded going to university as an effective chance in improving social and career prospects. However, the current worsening economic situation has led some of them to pursue advanced level of education such as master and doctorate degrees. <(경제가 약해지면서 석사 박사를 공부하게 된다는 것은 질문의 주제와 조금 어긋나게 들립니다) Regarding this, although many assert that this phenomenon seems not worthwhile, I partly disagree with this perspective.
To begin with, pursuing the upper level degrees beyond the undergraduate level seems like a waste of money. First of all, the number of positions for graduates have been limited as organizations and companies under economic depression and unstable conditions tend to reduce employment, and they cannot accommodate the increasing number of degree holders in master and doctorate degrees. <(문장을 나눠서 쓰시는 것을 추천합니다) In addition, the advanced degrees cannot guarantee a high amount of earnings as its scarcity in job market has diminished.
Yet, several reasons can explain why those advanced degrees are still worthwhile. Above all, the number of trained and qualified experts are insufficient in society, especially in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics). According to many researches, many countries have imported many specialists from other countries for achieving economic and technical development. Accordingly, they can make use of their degrees in improving their employability. Secondly, a master or doctorate degrees can open up different kinds of opportunities since they can take advantage of their expertise and experience in other fields. <(조금 더 왜 overqualified하지 않고 worth the money한지 서술해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다. 아니면 overqualified해도 왜 worth the money한지 서술을 해주시며 좋을 것 같습니다. 질문은 사람들이 박사 석사가 있어도 일을 못찻는다고 하고 있지만 글쓴이는 박사와 석사로 더 좋은 기회가 생긴다 라고 하시기 때문에 조금 contradicting하게 들립니다. 더 좋은 기회가 생기는 것이면 왜 더 많이 공부하는게 오히려 더 좋은 기회가 생기는 것인지 서술을 해주셔야합니다.)
In conclusion, I personally regard that pursuing advanced programs beyond the bachelor degree can be beneficial to students considering its demands in society and adaptability into other areas. However, we need to take the value of studies and future plans into account before applying for those programs.
Score: 7 Comment: 글안에 있는 코멘트 위주로 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. Spelling mistakes/silly mistakes에 조심해주시기를 바랍니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |