▶ Your Answer : Whether retort pouches affect on people's life in a good way or not is a heated issue. Some argue that this is good because it saves time to prepare food on busy life and give a chance to enjoy variety of foods in an on easy way, whereas others disagree with it. In this essay, both of points will be discussed before presenting my own opinion.<(discuss both views가 아니라 그저 글쓴이의 의견을 물어보는 것이지 때문에 thesis statement를 글쓴이의 의견을 해주시면 좋습니다) There are some reasons that people prefer instant foods. To begin with, reducing time to make food saves much more time on a busy daily routine. For example, in early morning, most of workers and students do not have enough time to cook and eat meals. However, by pre-made food, they could make their meal faster than formal cuisines and they have time to enjoy food thanks to the spare time. Secondly, people can experience various food without regional limits. In the past, people only can eat Pho, which is made of rice noodles and beef soup, in Vietnam. However, retort pouches make people to enjoy various exotic foods in an easier and cheaper way. As a result, the chance of cultural experience is developed even if it is an indirect method. On the other hand, there is also a demerit factor of food that is easy to prepared. Firstly, it has a serious problem of lack of nutrition. At global fast food brands such as KFC and McDonalds, most of food contains many lots of sodium natrium and saturated fat instead of protein and fiber, which are helpful for one's health. As a result, it could be detrimental to human's health and cause occur serious problem such as cardiovascular disease. By way of conclusion, there are numerous arguments about this issue, but, in my opinion, a preferable amount of consuming retort pouches is not that harmful for people's health but improves enjoyment of eating.
Score: 6.5 Comment: 서술을 조금 글쓴이의 의견 인 것 처럼 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 관점을 소개하고 그것에 대한 글쓴이의 의견을 물어보는게 아니라 주제에 대한 글쓴이의 의견을 물어보고 있습니다. 그 외에는 표현이나 indefinite article에 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |