▶ Your Answer : In the future, some people claims that
the number of travel around the world will be reduced. There are the advantages
and the disadvantages, from the reduction in oversea travelling. The main
advantage is that traveler targeted crimes will be reduced <(이 내용을 서술해주시지 않았습니다); however, the
economic affection will be inevitable. The benefit for the reduction in
oversea travelling is the possible reduction in the viruses. All types of
viruses have spread world widely due to the travelers. In the case of MERS, if
there were no travelers travelling to Middle-East areas, they will not be
infected. At that time, all country's government had to monitor travelers who
traveled to from Middle-east area and provide the treatment at the airport. If
there were no tourists travelling around the world, the viruses would not spread
speedily and widely, and the government spending will be spent on other things.
Therefore, the fewer tourists are the prevention of disease to spread the
world. (Need better transition) Traveling related industries will be
affected by fewer tourists and that can be considered as a drawback. This is
the worst phenomenon for travel related industries because their sales will become
affected. For example, if fewer people are travelling to Europe, the sales for
European located plane tickets, hotels, rental cars, and travelling agencies
will be plummeted. Not only this, those subsidiary or the clients that provide
the products to those travel related companies will be affected. Therefore, the
economy depression will be inevitable if there is no overseas travelling.
In conclusion, as a consequence of the
reduction in oversea traveling, the travel related industries will be affected
and they will be bankrupt. Despite this suffering, the virus rates will be
reduced.
Score: 5.5 Comment: Advantages/disadvantages 를 물어보는 만큼 각 2개이상의 장단점을 서술해주시는게 좋습니다. 하나만 서술을 해주시면 task를 fully satisfy하지는 않습니다. 또한 introduction에 나온 내용은 background information이 아닌 이상 주로 body에 서술을 해주셔야합니다. 그 외에는 transition/coherence/specificity에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다. |