▶ Your Answer :
The number of people who have visited three London Museums, namely;
British, Science and Natural History Museum, which is illustrated by the
projected line graph. <(sentence fragment. 다만 which를 빼서 해결이 되는 문자이기는 합니다.) During a 4 months of period, although there
was a fluctuation in the number of visitors in the museums three Londo Museums, the highest
visitors received was the British Museum. <(그 four month period가 언제 부터 언제인지 specify해주시면 더 좋을 것 같습니다) Initially, people had the similar
preferences to visit the British, and Natural History museum of 600 and 550
visitors, respectively and 400 people had visited the Science Museum. This visiting
preference had changed opposite by July as more people had visited British Museum over the other two 2 museums (of 380 visitors each). This trend continued to August where all
museums received the lowest number of visitors during the period. Despite the lowest visitor’s number
for all museums, the British Museum received 500 visitors and followed by
Natural History Museum (of 380) and Science museum (of 300). By the end of this projected period,
all museums visitors showed an the upward trend where British museum ended at 650 visitors
and Natural History Museum and Science Museum had about 450 visitors. <(Natural History Museum은 Science Museum 보다는 입장객이 조금 더 있었습니다.)
Score: 6 Comment: 전체적으로 글 정리를 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 또한 표현에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 그 외에는 글 안에 있는 수정을 봐주시면 될 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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