▶ Your Answer :
Nowadays, it is impossible to cannot be imagine a
house without television. A television It is a necessary, no, it is an essential item for
all houses because it brings a lot of information that are required to stay in
modern life. However, some people tend to spend much time with TV, and of
course, they will face to some problems. Thus, although TV is very important
for our living, hours of watching need to be properly distributed.
People easily can access to the information through though
TV in terms of the politics, natural disasters, and economies not only in their
own countries, but also across the world. In this view, TV is a significantly
useful means to acquire intelligences for better life. Entertainment by a
variety of shows from TV is also one of the advantages, throwing some subjects
to a family, which can stimulate the conversation between them. However, some
individuals tend to rely on TV, rather than spending their free time to do
other active things.
Many types of programs are being broadcasted
for 24 hours, that is, all 365 days. Wasting time with this electric device is
easy for a person who are not immature and has lots of free time. It makes
people become lazier, consequently. They will prefer watching TV to other
individual and social activities that help to improve their life. Some people
sometimes even neglect their sleep, meals, and works to enjoy their watching.
This will cause issues for individuals, and further social problems. <(그 problems가 무엇인지 조금 서술을 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다)
To sum up, TV is a necessary medium to make a better life, since it provides useful information that every independent individual
wants to acquire. However, people should be cautious to spend a lot of time to
watch TV, because it can bring not only personal, but also social issues.
Score: 7 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 일부 어색한 문장구보가 있습니다. 또한 silly mistakes에 주의 해주시기를 바랍니다. 그 외에는 표현상 collocation과 informality에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다.
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