▶ Your Answer :
There is no doubt that most adults spend their mature life with working at workplace thus the sense of satisfaction regarding their work has become crucial factors for them. With this regard Regarding this issue some people may insist that the job satisfaction can be derived from a variety of sections such as the income and provide sufficient wellbeing for workers. However, the recognition of satisfaction is significantly hard for workers in real life. It is true that the sense of satisfaction can be aware of some factors such as the income of workers and provided services or facilities for workers. Especially, some large corporations provide provides some huge perks for workers and sometimes to give a time to travel with their family at least two times a year. In addition, workers use be used for free lots of facilities without leaving leave away from their company to other places such as gyms, a restaurants, extra restrooms and swimming pool. As well as, Also employees just only work from 8am to 5 pm and be able to go home straight way without additional work. 회사에서 누릴 수 있는 사원복지 내용 나열에 너무 치우쳐서 balance가 안 맞는 것 같습니다. 업무 자체에서 오는 만족도 같이 언급해주면 좋을 것 같아요. On the other hand, the sense of satisfaction of job that people have is intensively impossible to recognize because they may not have personal time and do not adequate time to have a rest while they are working. According to a survey conducted in Korea last year, most of workers had to work for on a whole day even if they were having a lunch time and also they had to stay until 10 pm instead of going go home after their working hour. Therefore, workers cannot afford to feel the sense of satisfaction about their job in reality. To conclude, companies the company have to observe a law about workers who have standard income and working hour in job that was established by the government. Thereby, workers can be more satisfied with abouttheir work and enjoy to work working if they get some decent treatment from their company.
IELTS 1-9 score scale score: 6 competent user
질문 내용에 어긋나는 답은 아니지만, 서술 내용이 한쪽으로 너무 치우치지 않게 조심해주시는 게 좋을 것 같아요. 품사, 수량 표현에 신경써주세요. 수고하셨습니다!
아이엘츠 라이팅 채점기준 참고하세요 - TA/TR(Task Achievement/Task Response) 문제에 정확히 답변, 적정 분량 - CC(Coherence and Cohesion) 일관성, 응집성 - LR(Lexical Resource) 다양한 어휘표현 - GR(Grammartical Range and Accuracy) 문법 다양성, 정확성 |