▶ Your Answer :
A university degree is very crucial for everyone because it
provides the basic need for people to start their career. In the previous
period, students were are more likely to study at a university in their own country.
Nevertheless, in recent years, they have more chance to study overseas. In my
opinion, the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages. <(Does the advantages outweigh the disadvantages질문이 아니기 때문에 꼭 이 문장을 써주실 필요는 없습니다. 그저 "장점과 단점이 있는데 이러한 것들이 있다" 라고 해주셔도 괜찮습니다)
Admittedly, when students study in their own country,
they have better support from their family as well as their friends. As a result,
they can concentrate on their studies without worrying about taking care of caring themselves.
Paradoxically, only when they study in a foreign country, would they know how
to live independently and take care of themselves. For instance, my aunt had
never cooked for herself, until she left Viet Nam to and study in England. Moreover,
because of the differences of culture, language, customs and practices,
students can also learn how to adapt in the new environment.
On the other hand, the increasing number of students who study
abroad is a catalyst for the brain drain, especially in the developing
countries. To specify, because of the better conditions of living and working
as well as high income, many overseas students decide to live in the developed
country instead of returning to their own country. Nonetheless, by no means could
this problem happen if the government in their own country treats them
deservedly. In addition, by dint of students studying abroad, the country could
approach the innovative science and technology from the developed countries.
For example, by virtue of enhancing students to go overseas for studying in the
western countries, Japan now has become one of the leading countries in
technology.
In conclusion, despite of several drawbacks, the source
of students studying overseas is one of the most important factors for the
development of every country, especially the developing ones.
Score:7 Comment: 잘 서술 해주셨습니다. 다만 내용 정리를 조금 더 해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. Studying at home country 와 study abroad을 비교를 해주시는 것 보다는 disadvantages of studying abroad and advantages of studying abroad 를 비교해주시는게 더 좋습니다. 또한 advantages and disadvantages를 서술해주셔야하기 때문에 각 2개 이상 서술을 해주시면 좋습니다. 문법상 전치사 활용/collocation에 조금 더 신경을 써주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 하셨습니다! |