Some people think that sending criminals to prison is not effective.
Education and job training should be used instead. Do you agree or disagree?
People have different views
about the penalty for criminals. While some people argue that offenders should
be imprisoned, others say that vocational training or education is more important
than the imprisonment. I believe that education or job training is a more efficient
method to rehabilitate lawbreakers.
The strict penalty plays an
important role on a decline of crime rate. Some penalties such as capital punishment
deter offenders from re-offending. Moreover, imprisonment is a useful method to
give a time to reform crime which offenders committed and might be a good example
to the society by showing a consequence of criminals. In addition, it is
reasonable way to protect victims as well as the member of society from threats
which can disrupt the society.
However, it is true that the
prison is no more than a breeding ground for lawbreakers. Many criminals, especially
for young people or first-time offenders, learn various crimes from other
offenders during a prison term. Moreover, the lack of training makes them to
re-offend and it leads to a vicious cycle. This is because that they do not
have any suitable skills and no opportunity to achieve it which is needed to find
a job after released. Therefore, education or vocational training to transform
criminals should be fostered to encourage them to become the part of society
and it leads to prevent crimes. (어차피 본론 첫 번째 문단은 다른 이유로 지워지긴 했지만, 현재 유형이 discuss both 였다고 가정했을 때, 두 입장에서 모두 같은 근거, 즉 '범죄율의 감소' 를 드는 것은 적절하지 않습니다. '이렇게 해도 범죄율이 감소하고, 저렇게 해도 범죄율이 감소하면, 도대체 왜 이걸 얘기하면서 시간 낭비를 하고 있냐' 라는 비판만 생기기 때문이죠.)
In conclusion, while the
strict prison sentence has a positive effect on the drop of crime rate, I believe
that education or job training is more efficient to rehabilitate criminals in
the long term as they became a member of society by having a job.
총평: (5/5/7/7) 6.0
본론 첫 번째 문단의 경우 교육을 중시하는 쪽의 근거를 하나 더 넣어주시면 됩니다. 이에 대해서는 링크를 하나 넣어드릴테니 꼭 정독해주세요~매우 중요한 사항입니다. 수고하셨습니다 :)
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