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The bar chart shows provides information about figures for commuters using diverse transportations in one European city a European town, comparing three years(1960, 1980, and 2000).>> 항목이 뭐뭐 있는지 말하는게 좋겠네요
To begin with, it can be clearly seen that the average number of commuters varied was considerably various considerably across the three different years,>> 콤마 찍어주세요 다른 얘기를 굳이 and 로 묶을 필요 없습니다 and that European people had different ways of using transports.There was a decrease on the number of bus users over the period time,>> 콤마 빼주세요 from about 40 percent to 15, whereas the proportion that of car users increased rapidly by 35 percentage>> 35퍼센트 만큼 증가했나요? 그래프가 없어 맞게 한건지 틀리게 한건지 모르겠네요 to/by 의 차이가 있기 때문에요 between 1960 and 2000. However, the number of people who used tube remained stable over in the same period, and train did as well.
In 1960, buses was the most popular transportation among the four modes of transport,>> 콤마 빼주세요 approximately 40%, which was more than doubled than train users,>> 콤마 빼주세요 around 20%. The other side, by 2000, the figure for those who used bus dropped to 15%, which was about half of car drivers.
In conclusion, according to changing time, this cart shows that the mode of transport could be changed by people. >> 현재 작문하신게 transportation은 사람들에 의해 바뀔 수 있다는건가요? 선호도가 바뀔 수 있단게 더 말이 되기도 하구요 선호도라는 말이 있어도 현재 주제와는 관련없는 말입니다
Task1에서 뭘 쓰고 있는지 확실히 유념하고 파악하지 못한다면 Task2는 뻔한 결과가 나옵니다 셋째 단락의 In 1960부턴 문장 구조들이 거의 똑같은 틀에서 대입만 다르게 한 듯이 비슷합니다 또한 굳이 문단 나눌 필요도 없구요 단어 문법(특히 구두점) 잘 잡아주시고 본인이 글 작성하는 바가 뭔지 확실하게 생각하면서 글 써주세요 train은 단 한 번 나왔네요 오버뷰는 전체적으로 눈에 띄는 간단한 부분들을 말해주는 곳입니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 5 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5
5.5 예상합니다 |