▶ Your Answer :
When it comes to considering every person speaking one language, there is a questionable factor on whether it is a right way or not. Though some say that using one language has some disadvantages, I strongly support that it has many benefits to be used as a global common language.
There is an opinion that speaking only one language harms our society's diversity. Generally, languages are based on nationalities/cultures, people's lifestyles and (how to think about the social issues)<(이 부분의 의미나 이 문장에 어떻게 적용이 되는지 잘 모르겠습니다). So if many languages disappear due to a simple idea in achieving a better venue, our thoughts and living setting to interact with each other will be destroyed by (too easygoing a way of thinking)<(이 부분의 의미를 이해하지 못하겠습니다) . In addition, workers making a living in with/using foreign languages or second languages will be reduced or fired because nobody is likely to learn other languages. It might be a big problem to solve in our world. <(big problem이 사람들이 일자리를 잃는것에 대한 것인지 아님 all of above인지 잘 모르겠습니다. 즉 big problem이 무엇을 의미하는지 잘 모르겠습니다)
However, there are some advantages to speak the same language in our society. One thing is that it makes/allows people to easily communicate with each other. <(뒤에 나오는 문장 specialists and professionals...who has knowledge가 앞 문장과 어떤 연관이 있으며 왜 중요한 부분인지 잘 모르겠습니다)>This is because specialists and professionals could keep in touch with anyone who has knowledge whenever and wherever they want without learning difficult intensive language courses. Also, This is an important factor to accelerate the development of technology, engineering and so on.<(how so?) And it is more likely to easily have access to information described to in the same language throughout the Internet and mass media.
Additionally, we can go anywhere to travel without language barriers. In the case that all people speak a common language in any place, we can read all of the itinerary and handouts printed in the same language., and reduce travel expenses by not using tourist guides not to use a guide to go some attractions.
For these reasons mentioned above, I totally agree with an opinion that speaking one language has many benefits and advantages in our world. <(Conclusion에 조금더 견론에 대한 서술을 하셔야합니다)
Score: 5.5 Comment: Conclusion 쓰시는 것을 더 연습하시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 주로 에세이의 conclusion은 한 문장 보다는 여려 문장으로 견론을 지으시는게 좋습니다. 내용이 좋으신데 organization이 조금 필요하신것 같습니다. 또한 clear하지 않는 부분들이 있으십니다. 어색한 표현을 쓰셨거나 글쓴이의 생각을 충분히 서술하지 않은 것 같습니다. |