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Children are taught >> 아이들이 가르침을 받기 때문에 수동태입니다 혹은 밑에 teach가 있기에 learn이라고 쓰시는게 더 좋겠네요 more important in recent times. Some people insist that parents should teach children how to be a good person of society. On the other hand, >> 문두에 부사 다음은 콤마입니다 other people think that school is the best place to studying of societal relationships. I believe that school is the best education center to be good members of community.
There is might be a good teacher to parents of children>> 무슨 말인지 모르겠습니다. >> because가 바로 나오지 않고 it is 를 붙입니다 혹은 that is 등도 가능합니다 It is because the most knowing people of children is their’s parents.>> The people who know children the best are their parents (아이들을 가장 잘 알고 있는 사람은 부모님이다) This being so, Therefore, parents could be teach to young people than educational institution.
However, good education of perfect members>> 완벽한 구성원들의 좋은 교육 말이 좀 이상한 듯 싶네요 of society should be taught to school. This is because school is the >> 최상급 앞에 the를 써주세요 best place that pupils a variety of character study to curricular >> pupils could receive knowledge from a variety of subjects 정도가 될까요?. So>> so and also or but 은 문두에 쓰지 않습니다 there are methods of social relationships than home of children children at home. For example, many children are related to playing with friends of the same age group and other good members of class become that playing a various role. In addition, education centers are teaching of whole-person education. It is also learned young pupils of learn community spirit. There are many activities like such as 가 더 좋습니다 a work volunteer, helping to alone the senior and talent donation, for instance.
In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against who teach children how to be good members of community. but >> 우선 문장이 길어 끊어드렸습니다 However, I am convinced that educational institution, which like a school(학교와 같은) , such as school, is better for children education rather than parents.
parents 에서 the best 라고 했는데 학교 측 옹호 발언은 잘못된 듯 싶습니다 또한 parents 에 관한 본문 길이가 너무 짧습니다 상대적으로 학교 측에 비해 천천히 작문해보셔서 실수를 줄여보시길 바랍니다
Task Achievement - 6 Coherence and Cohesion - 5 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 5 5.5 예상합니다 |