▶ Your Answer : In modern society, there has been an increasingly worrying issue about computers, which is being excessively smarter than human beings. Regarding this, some people argue that this is beneficial because it would enable people to overcome the distance >> 무슨 distance인가요 and challenge unsolved problems. However, others say that people would lose their own ability to think >> think를 더 알기 쉽게 표현해시거나 아이디어 등에 관련지어서 하는게 좋겠네요 and be controlled by computers. In this essay, I will explore these two viewpoints and give my opinion.
On the one hand, there is a common belief that people are relying on computers so much that they do not feel the need to resolve an issue on their own. For instance, it is easy to see peole forgetting phone numbers because they can just save them in their smartphones,>> 콤마 빼주세요 >> 이 줄의 문장이꽤 깁니다 and using a car navigation instead of using a real map or memorising roads. According to a number of study >> 연구란 의미의 study는 불가산명사입니다 by the Seoul National University, people remember less than 15 phone numbers, comparing to 35 and 20 years ago. Thus, it is likely that people, without these memory devices, cannot work properly and, eventually, be controlled by computer memories, not knowing whether they are correct or not.
On the other hand, it is thought by some supporters that computers have helped improve the quality of life and solve many mysteries in medical science. For example, people can keep in touch with others living abroad via online communication systems on computer. Also >> but also so and or 은 문두에 쓰지 않습니다, by being able to study human body through computers, remedies and preventions could be invented. Based on these things, it can be seen that computers are necessary in many aspects of human life these days.
By considering the reasons above, I agree with the idea to some extent that people tend to depend on computers rather than to use >> 앞과 꼴을 맞춰주세요 brain. However, there is no doubt that computers has enhanced our quality of life by enlarging the view that we could not see scientifically before scientifically. In my opinion, as long as people can take control of using a computer, it will be beneficial to us.
전체 본인의 주장이 잘 들어갔습니다 문법은 더 좋겠다 하는 쪽으로 바꿔드린 부분도 많구요 단지 콤마나 some 만 쓰는 부분들만 주의해주시면 좋겠습니다
Task Achievement - 7 Coherence and Cohesion - 7 Lexical Resource - 6 Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 6 6.5 예상합니다 |